Humor

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I was sitting in my chair with a glazed look over my eyes, pondering the important issues of life when the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage broke in upon my brown bag study. I’m not saying that what I was thinking about was really important n but obviously, I had that certain look on my face that all wives recognize.

Looking at me she simply stated, “You’re sick.”

At the time, I was not sure if this was a medical statement or a philosophical observation. I could not remember anything untoward I had done recently, so I was hoping it was a medical statement. I have been wrong in the past.

The fact that she is rarely wrong about certain assessments of life gave me pause to consider the accuracy of her statement. I do confess to have been feeling a wee bit under the weather, but with the weather we have been having its no wonder.

She came over, felt my forehead and exclaimed, “Why, you are burning up.” And that was all she wrote. I had a fearful foreboding that I was in for some personal attention from her.

Like a woman on a mission, she flew into action and her mission at the time was medicating Yours Truly. I have no degree in medicine but according to her evaluation, my temperature was degrees above of what she thought normal for me.

At times I can be hotheaded, but it does seem to be other than that. This called for action on her part.

Quicker than a politician can change his viewpoint, I found myself in my chair fully medicated and sipping hot chicken broth. With a sigh of satisfaction, my wife examined me and then made this proclamation, “You’re not going anywhere today. You’re staying right here until you get better.” Of course, her definition of “better,” was what really mattered.

To tell the truth I did not have any energy to put forth an argument. So, my day had been planned for me and I surrendered to that plan.

My eyes were itchy and watery, I was sneezing every odd minute … and for a while every minute seemed odd … and my nose was running some sort of marathon. The way I was feeling at the time, I suggested my nose walk for a change. However, I was a prisoner to my present condition.

In my condition I could not do any profitable reading, and working on my computer required energy beyond my capacity at the time, so I sat back in my easy chair and turned on the television. As luck would have it, it was Wednesday and the Anna Nicole Smith trial was in full bloom. I almost wore out the remote trying to find something, anything, not associated with the court proceedings. I had tremendous luck, but it was all bad.

Not having the energy to protest too vigorously, I succumbed to the television fare at hand. Within a few moments, I was all caught up in the courtroom antics. It has been a long time since I’ve been to a good circus.

It must have been the benadryl haze, because the more I watched the more confused I was about what in the world was happening. The only thing I could really understand was the dispute regarding who was Dannielynn’s father.

I’m not sure I remember all the details, because at the time I was heavily medicated, but it seemed all the players in the courtroom were also heavily medicated. Everything boiled down to the paternal identity.

I was beginning to feel sorry for the little 5-month-old girl in question. What I wanted to know is, what would be worse for her? Not knowing who her father is or finding out it is one of the two contenders of the day? Personally, I’m going with the former.

DNA does not, in my opinion, establish fatherhood. One of the problems in our country today is the lack of fathers. The ability to procreate does not qualify a person for being a father.

First, the father needs to be a man. There is precious short supply of men in our country today. Secondly, a good father loves and respects the mother.

The fact that there is serious question as to who the father is suggests to me that neither one is father material. (I recommend we bring back old-fashioned spanking and I have a few that top the list.)

Fatherhood is important. Jesus outlined the fact that there are two fathers in this world. He told the religious leaders of his day, “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.” (John 8:44 KJV.)

Then he said to his disciples, and all who would follow in their train, “After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.” (Matthew 6:9 KJV.)

Every child has the right to know who his father is. But spiritually, we have the option to choose our father. This father is not the result of procreation but rather regeneration.

Everybody has to answer the question, “Who’s your daddy?”

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