Poetry

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It's been a few years since I've been able to release the pressure under my skin. It's been a while since I've been able to walk.

I can remember being blind, being soaked in gasoline and drowning in sulfur; wishing every day to not see another.

I smell the peaceful days slipping through the cracks in my false hopes. The smell is so unbearable; it seems to combine with the molecules in the air and transport its way down to my lungs.

With every inhale I can feel my lungs fading more and more to a grey area; it is much worse than black. At least in black you feel something: guilt, hate, spite, envy.... anything.

Stuck in this grey area I've felt nothing, I've tasted nothing, I've slept in nothing and awoke only to find a mountain of arrows and a pile of bills.

Hush my love, I feel the tears sliding from your eyes. I wish I could promise you something more but this is it.

Hold me tight, I feel the last bit of air fading away and my gaze has fixed itself upon the light ahead.

It's just another bad day they say, just another moment awoke from the wrong side of the bed.

I'm sorry but this day must mean more then pillow casings and old curtains; I'm sure I've just missed something important on my way down this morning.

Surely by the time I hit the ground I'll realize the cause for my slip in fame.

Surely by the time I die I'll realize everything is nothing except the burning in my heart and scars on my hands.

Hush my everything, I can sense the cool breeze of tomorrow coming in strong.

Hold tight my soul, these memories are buried in graves far away from kansas... let us leave them at that.

It's been a few days since I've looked at myself upright. I've always find a way through the day with my image backwards in my mind.

Hiding in my sorrow and drinking my pity worked for awhile, but I would like to remember the morning air.

Surely by now I can see what my death comes to.

Surely by now I can see who my God is.

Hush me in everything, let me wake in nothing only if it helps to prevent me from taking another inhale away from you

Hold me soundly, grasp me tightly if you must; shake my world and kill all if you must.

"God I can't do this. I can't be prefect.

Be my God. Be my only God.

Let my life run the way you want.

Destroy any road that would prove different.

I'm not better off on my own.

Kill my golden cafe. Let me love you and only you my true God.

Fame, glory, worldly loves will die quicker than my heart beats. Let me fall away from those false tendencies.

How could I follow anyone or anything else for that matter? Who am I to pick my own road? Who am I to say no to the one who saved my life?

Save me God! I have a drowning soul.

Teach me God! I have a freshman heart and mind.

Let my life... my song be more than a bitter-sweet symphony.

I can't change myself; be my change."

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