Family

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I saw you today as you walked towards me, I mean I really saw you. So handsome, so pleased with your new haircut, and so unaware of how you looked to me. You took my breath away. My son, no longer a baby, no longer even a little boy, but suddenly a young man.

My heart welled up within me as, in that instant, I realized the passing of time and the result of the years. And how intensely I loved you, and wished that I could freeze-frame that moment of time. You had no idea, of course, as you smiled and asked, "Do you like my haircut mom?" "Like it, I said, I think it’s fantastic. You look wonderful." "Thanks", you said, shy smiling, blue-eyed boy of mine.

And now as I reflect on you and how the years have flown by, I have to wonder where will we go from here? Time will march on, and you will continue to grow away from me. You will find your purpose, your passion, your independance, and it will all be without me, just as it should be. But oh, how it hurts. How I wish it wasn’t the way of growing up. I wish I could stay here in this moment with you.

Then I’m reminded that you were never mine in the first place. A visitor in my life, invited by the Father, put under my care for just a little while. Have I allowed myself to become too attached? Have I forgotten that my job has been to prepare you to be free? I want to hang on tightly... but no, release is what God desires and what you need.

So, for a little while longer, I will try to prepare you for your future, give you the tools that you will need, offer the advice that you may take, and point you in the direction that you may choose to go. I’ll make mistakes and forget some things, but my mother’s heart knows that God’s grace will cover all my inadequacies.

And then it’s a matter of trust after that. Then I place you wholly into the hands of one who loves you even more than I.

Even now, I choose to entrust you to the one who says..."See how I love you...I have engraved your name on the palms of my hands...I know everything about you, every hair on your head...I know when you rise and when you lay down...I love you more than your earthy father or mother...I have plans for you...I will never leave you or forsake you...you are mine...always have been...always will be...always mine."

Go with God, my son.

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