Humor

---

The Attack of the Mutant Rabbits
by Jim Shumaker

All my wife wanted was a small garden in the corner of our backyard. Unfortunately the neighborhood rabbits had other ideas. Their presence was first suspected just days after the initial planting when she found all the broccoli and bell peppers plants nibbled to the ground.
The first confirmed sighting came shortly after the second investment in transplants. On a sunshiny Saturday morning, my wife went out to tend her crops only to find a very young cottontail happily munching on a tomato leaf. My assistance was immediately demanded. At first, I was just going to chase it away, but I decided to send a stronger message by picking up a rock out of our driveway. I nailed the tiny critter so hard in the hindquarters that he spun around. The little rabbit then shook himself and scratched at the spot where he had been hit. Once he completely composed himself, he returned to consuming my wife's precious sprouts.
So I reverted to my original idea. I put one foot in the garden, slapped my hands together and yelled, "Yaw!" Our unwelcome visitor cocked one brown eye in my direction and gave this glance that said, "Do you mind? I'm eating" He would not leave the buffet table until I invaded his space with a swift kick that missed him by inches.
We now knew it was not going to be fun and games ... This was war! First we surrounded the area with mothballs, but the next day, all of our vegetable plants were once again nibbled to the ground. Upon investigation we found numerous breaches where our perimeter had been effortlessly pushed aside. So we escalated to spreading human hair around the bases of the third set of purchased plants. In response, the rabbit invited friends, because we found three of them dining on fresh greens over locks.
So we pulled out all of the stops and got the bane of all small mammals – dried blood. We covered the entire area with a fine layer of powder to ensure the safety of our vegetables. That afternoon, I was grilling in the backyard when I saw movement in the garden. I walked over to find not only a rabbit in it, but he was rolling around in the dried blood. The realization dawned that we were not dealing with ordinary bunnies, but mutant replicates from another planet.
At my wife's family reunion, we described this alien behavior to an uncle who was a wildlife expert. He assured us that we had not experienced an interplanetary invasion. Normally we have very wet springs in Ohio. Since rabbits like to build their nest in low-lying areas, the number one cause of death among the newborns is drowning. This year, we had an unusually dry April and May, and since there was not the typical thinning of the warren, we actually had a rabbit population explosion. As a result, they had outgrown the food supply, and their hunger drove them to their behavior.
These rabbits remind me of Christians in the oppressed regions of the world. In these countries, Bibles are illegal and believers are killed. Missionaries many times state there is a famine for the Word of God in these lands. Even so Christianity is spreading like wildfire there, because the people are so hungry for Jesus that they will ignore all obstacles to find Him. What a contrast to the United States where we have a church on practically every corner, but most Americans have no interest in the gospel, because they have everything they need.

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE