Humor

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With only a few days before Christmas, I find myself in a rather tight spot. I have been in tight spots before. In fact, there is sufficient evidence suggesting I might have invented “tight spots.”

The tight spot I find myself in is, I still have not found a suitable Christmas present for the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

I cannot back out of this by suggesting she was on Santa’s “naughty list.” I tried that one year and ended up on her “naughty list.”

I will not go into details, let me just say I will not repeat that mistake again n ever.

It is exasperating for a person like me to try to come up, year after year, with a Christmas present worthy of her.

This is the dilemma husbands find themselves in when they marry up. It is no consolation, however, there still is that present to buy.

However, my dilemma compounded itself by an incident this week. I happened to open the trunk of my car, which I do quite rarely I assure you, and discovered something that stopped me in my tracks. It takes quite a lot to stop me in my tracks, but this did that.

What I found in the trunk of my car, way in the back hidden from obvious view, was a wrapped Christmas present I bought for my wife four years ago.

I remember that Christmas rather well, and had trouble explaining to my wife why there was no Christmas present under the tree from Yours Truly.

Of course, I cannot tell her I found that missing Christmas present. The damage of four years ago is already done. Once a cat is buried, I refuse to dig it up, is my philosophy of life.

My dilemma is simply this. What do I do this year?

Do I give her this Christmas present I bought four years ago, eliminating the necessity for me to continue my shopping spree?

This would save me quite a bit of time not to mention money. And please, do not mention the money to you-know-who. She is always telling me, “It’s the thought that counts, not how much you spend.”

That is fine, but one year I tried giving her “the thought,” and I got “the stare” in return. Needless to say, my thoughts are not included in the phrase, “it’s the thought that counts.”

My problem with giving her the un-given gift this year is that I have no idea what the present is.

If you think I can remember what I bought her four years ago, I only have one simple question to ask. Why didn’t I think of giving it to her four years ago?

I could, I suppose, unwrap the gift to make sure what it is. The problem is I paid to have that present gift-wrapped. I could never duplicate the fine wrapping job. And who knows, the gift wrapping may be more important than what is wrapped. I know I don’t know.

If I give her this gift without knowing what it is, I run the risk of getting backed into a corner. You would think the many corners I’ve been backed into I would not mind one more. But I do.

If I do not know what is in that present and I give it to her on Christmas morning I know what she is going to say. “Where did you get this? How did you know this is what I wanted?”

That is just the beginning.

Of course, there is always the chance when she unwraps the present and I see what it is, everything will come back to me. However, my thoughts and memory unlike a stray cat, never come back.

I don’t know what to do with this gift. It seems a shame not to give it to her. It seems such a waste to go out and buy another when I already have a present.

One danger of this unknown gift is it may be a piece of clothing. If it is a garment I bought four years ago, there is a good chance it will not fit her this year.

If the size is too small, I am in trouble. After four years, you cannot return an item, and I’m sure she would want to return it and then my cover is blown.

If the clothing is too big n well, you know the word “trouble,” does not quite cover the predicament I would be in with her.

There is always this n if I do not give it to her and she finds it, and I’m not sure why she has not found it yet, I have some serious explaining to do.

And I am not up to that kind of serious work, especially this time of year.

Of course, a thought just gripped my feeble memory. Maybe she has already found the Christmas present in the trunk of my car and if I do not give it to her n well, you know the rest of the story.

Why is giving gifts so difficult?

Thankfully, God has not had my difficulty in this area. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” (James 1:17 KJV.)

God has the perfect gift, it is never late in coming, and it always fits.

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