Marriage

---

Courtship is a word our society sees as a joke from a time they presume is about oppression and boredom.

This word causes fears such as arranged marriages, loveless spouses and that we are not in control of the one we marry, that we will get ourselves into a bad and unloving marriage, while our true love will go to someone else with the right money, or social standing, while we are bond by our societies standards to marry who our parents or guardians, or the well meaning lady down the street wishes us to.

Interesting enough, courtship from Biblical times up till around the 1920's, is a model of the best method of finding the right future husband or wife. In courting, the family, in particular the parents were the main people involved, as they knew their children the best, and had the best in mind for them, as well as years of experience in discerning peoples real motives, something that infatuation is notorious for blocking out. Thus, the parents/families were almost always involved in the courtship/marriage time.

Popular belief and rumors state that most families sent their children off to old people, only to make a political or money alliance between the two families, contrary to that belief most families did not arrange the marriage without the consent of the children, especially within the normal working class of people, that often times lacked the power plays and loss of family structure that weath and nannies had brought. Sometimes, the parents would find a potential spouse and the children were consulted for their opinion, often times this allowed the parent to watch the potential spouse for their child without the interference of that person already being interested in their child, thus allowing them to view a more "realistic" side of the person, this also allowed the two young people to get to know one another without the social pressure of being seen as a couple, etc.

As always, with parents when they try to force their children to do something they are often met with a resounding no, forcing marriages upon people does not work any better than it does now days, because human nature has not changed, we still do not desire to be put in a loveless marriage, just the same as the old would be marriage makers learned.

Other times it was simply a matter of two meeting, growing their friendship and finally admitting that they have feelings for each other, a curious change can be noted between now and then, at this point in a relationship it was expected that the boy asked the girls father permission to call on her, notice that this rule is now lacking, instead of the parents permission being asked before any kind of romantic relationship was began by the friends, we rather now have the few boys that will ask permission for marriage, totally bypassing a rather important component of the courtship ritual. Another interesting thing to note is, if allowed, almost anyone can 'fall in love' one of the most important steps, that of the guy asking permission to pursue a relationship is lost, and because of that we see relationships, totally without the guidance of parents that will almost always end in a divorce if marriage is a result, as it goes infatuation is a wonderful blinder to the flaws of another.

The idea of involving parents in the courtship ritual is so far beyond our society that most are honestly scared to do so, again those age old, "what ifs?" come to mind, but in real life our parents do have a pretty good grasp on what we want and need, the very basic involvement level, which is also much needed to remain pure within a courtship relationship is lost because of our rather untruthful fear of courtship and parental involvement, much helped by the free love type attitudes of today.

Most people in the United States have a very specific idea about finding a spouse, and most of those ideas come from our parents! Through the moral, social, and spiritual structure that they have helped craft as we were growing up.

One of the biggest clues to the failing of our common dating tactics can be seen in the high divorce rate.

A divorce was a rare thing up in till around the 1950's were we began to see the forerunners to the radical ideals of the 60's, which taught that we are only here for ourselves and what we want, misguided and all is what we should get, those very ideals of the 50's and 60's can be directly to blame for both the high divorce rate of today and the failings of our modern methods of finding a spouse, which more then not is based on a persons list of wants, instead of Godly character traits being the most sought after prize in a spouse we have the persons physical traits taking the highest place.

Is this to say that courtship and arranged marriages are the answer? No, it is not a matter of the title of things, but rather the leading of Yahweh, biblical values and wisdom (Yes wisdom!) of the older generations that will allow each one of us to pursue our own spouse, one that promises to be a loving and rewarding adventure in making the decision of your future spouse rather then one that ends up in divorce court and bitter endings.

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE