Christian Living

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Larry Lilly's Letter Wednesday November 22, 2006

The articles on "Friend" seem to be taking on a life of their own and I am enjoying this life of an idea, an idea whose time is come. I never realized how little I actually know about being a true friend until I started this series and now it seems as though each time I codify a principle of friendship, yet another 'pops' into my mind. At my age most minds are usually set like concrete, yet mine reacts like the oatmeal Rush Limbaugh talks about. He should know.

Jess Moody wrote:

"Did you ever take a real trip down inside the broken heart of a friend? To feel the sob of the soul, the raw, red crucible of emotional agony? To have this become almost as much as yours as that of your soul crushed neighbor? Then, to sit down with him and silently weep? This is the beginning of compassion."

The phrase "To sit down with him and silently weep," arrested my full attention. I commented on this in an earlier piece and the response near overwhelmed me with notes stating that the silent presence of a friend meant more than words could tell in a time of particular heartache.

When the agony of a loss in whatever form the loss takes, reaches its peak, words, words of any kind, from any source are for the most part going to fall on dry ears and hearts that are totally occupied with thoughts of better times, of day and nights of few or no tears. Words, with all their power, when uttered at such a time, if they do break through the fog will be met with resentment at best, and often with outright volcanic rage. We humans can 'feel' the presence of a dear friend and this awareness is more than sufficient for the most painful of times.

During the darkest period of my life I used to go to the back of our property and just sit down. Soon, the old dog, young then, Brinkly, the Airedale Terrier, would come and nuzzle my hand and let me rub his ears. He didn't demand any words, or any action that required thought, he just had his way of letting me know, "Hey, pop, I'm here if you need me." Sometimes a wise dog is better than a human when you are really hurting.

I have found that just being there for a friend, remaining quiet, very hard for me, is like a cold drink on a hot day. Later I have heard a friend state, "I don't what I would have done if Larry had not come and talked with me." The truth be known, I had not said a word. I was just there. For a preacher to keep quiet is a modern miracle, for we usually attack all problems and pain with mouth running full blast.

To, as Mr. Moody said, "Sit down with him/her and silently weep" may actually be just the gift from God that is needed for the moment.

Larry Lilly Copyright © 2006 Use with credit.

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