Humor

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Christian Bashing: Isn’t It Fun!!!
© 2006

by

Stephen A. Peterson


Frank Froede, a high school history teacher, on the first day of the school year announced to his sophomore class that he is an avowed socialist and an atheist as well. This class of honors history students was intimidated by the quick talking; seemingly weird accented, heavy set New Jerseyite, postured as though disturbed to this class to teach them the facts about the historical past of the United States. However, not desiring to be on the bad side of their teacher, the students grudgingly complied with pontifications he elicited in their class. So when Mr. Froede asked if they too were socialists and atheists, twenty-two or the twenty-three students raised their hands to present a sea of hands which so pleased the dictatorial teacher. That is, everyone saved one…Theodora Henry.

Theodora decided not to go along with the other members of her class. Perplexed and enamored, Mr. Froede approached the very pretty, young, 15 year old to inquire what her problem was.

“May I ask what your problem is young lady?” retorted Mr. Froede.

“Well, sir, I’m just not a socialist nor I am an atheist. I am being honest. So would you have me to lie just to please you, sir?” Theodora boldly stated.

“Well, no! I expect you to be truthful even though truth, whatever it is, is relative! So what might you be, if I might ask?” grunted Mr. Froede.

“I’m a Christian and very proud of it, sir!”

“A Christian!!!! A CHRISTIAN!!!” shouted Mr. Froede from the top of his voice as he paced the floor while glaring at the seemingly defiant student. “How can an intelligent, modern and articulate teenage girl be a Christian in 2006? You have to joking! You’re just saying you’re a Christian just to be different! Aren’t you? Right!”

“Well, Mr. Froede, sir, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus Christ. Then when I was twelve years old, I decided to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior on my own. I thank my mom and dad for revealing and leading me to Jesus. So, therefore, I am a Christian… a follower of Jesus Christ and very proud of it too, thank you, sir!!!”

Angry and now very agitated, Mr. Froede stepped back from his oppositional student’s desk. “C’mon! Being a Christian is so not with it in 2006! It’s not cool! Christians are bigots, closed minded, Bible thumping, stupid idiot, racists, sexists, homophobes who pressure people to view the world from their point-of-view only. If you don’t see in their way, you are damned! You’re goin’ to hell! Isn’t that right Ms Henry? C’mon, Ms. Henry! They’re idiots! Be free! Be intelligent! You can’t be a Christian! You really don’t believe that junk! You only accept Christianity because your parents are Christians and that’s so stupid,” shouted Mr. Froede.

“Tell me, if you can, what if your mother and your father are idiots, what would that make you, young lady?”

Theodora thought for a moment then smiled, “I guess I would be a socialist and an atheist!” At that moment, the entire class interrupted then broke out in laughter, smirks and high fives before a confused and mystified history teacher.

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