Christian Living

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Hatred or Forgiveness can lead to war or peace


Hatred is an intense dislike, enmity and ill will of another and forgiveness is to stop being angry or to pardon someone. Psychologist, McManus says—a person could lead a happier life with forgiveness and service especially given to those that need one’s forgiveness: she says one must work through hatred and resentment to get to a wider plain of understanding and forgiveness: this seems a timely thought in the context of the theater of war in Sri Lanka and in the global situation.

In spite of the difficulty to let go of anger or hatred toward those who have hurt us, or we feel have wronged us one way or the other, this act of forgiveness preached by the greats is now being increasingly prescribed by psychologists to those suffering from the effects of injustice or even apparent injustice.

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it will singe you says Shakespeare; a police bulletin in the US says—if selfish people try to take advantage of you, cross them off your list, but don’t try to get even. When you try to get even, you hurt yourself more than you hurt the other fellow; forgiveness has been recently discovered as an alternative therapy to medication and to let go of resentment and hatred that causes stress and psychological pain: after treatment with exercises of forgiveness, it has been found that the person treated is able to make a moral response of goodness towards an offender.

It has been said that hatred is retained by a person because of some psychological benefits it carries and these are;

Concealing the pain and hurt that caused the hatred—to conceal one’s own guilt and not recognize the good of the offender—to provide a sense of meaning and purpose in life, making one feel alive, powerful and identified: consequently, letting go of hatred would imply emptiness within in comparison to the one he hates, by thinking of himself in a negative way. Such childhood hatreds can develop into societal hatred and such mass scale individual hatreds can submerge a society and then a nation: evidences of such personal characteristics of hatred are a plenty in today’s Sri Lankan society!

In the contemporary culture, youth are often seen to get involved in hatred to gain a sense of identity, which otherwise they would not have: today’s relativistic thinking devoid of resorting to universal truths and natural justice, has made it difficult for a person to—know oneself—having cut away from traditions with its shared implications, says psychologists: this has resulted in a fragile empty sense of self, making people turn to ugly self indulgence and vulgar consumerism—all these in turn making it difficult for one to establish a firm sense of where one came from and who one is today—in turn leading to self-identification through hatred. How can this be overcome?

An understanding of oneself and the meaning to life can be attained to a great extent, says McManus by relating to one’s neighbor with a sense of service love and forgiveness that fills the void created consequent upon removal of anger and hatred harbored so far—by replacing it with a quality of self worth, namely altruism, and that is living a life of service to others or loving thy neighbor as thyself: this is an exercise of moving away from self towards others: what does it entail?

Altruistic behavior has been associated with psychological health and wellbeing implying—enhanced social integration, distraction from one’s own problems, increased perception of self-efficacy and competence, and enhanced meaningfulness. All these are concepts inherent in service organizations such as Lions, Rotary and other religious organizations: members of these organizations who sincerely adhere to such inherent concepts have been immensely benefited by such service instincts. By total involvement in service to others they have forgotten self and found that they live a life devoid of anger and hatred.

Nations go to war very often through anger and hatred, like some individuals who make up the nation. We have recent incidents such as the terrorist attack on nine eleven, when the US leader went on record saying—let’s play ball and vowing to bring the perpetrators to book through might: even as at date when commemorating the anniversary of nine eleven a news reader was heard to say—since then the war yet continues, meaning the invasion of Iraq and declaring war sans UN Security Council resolution—further followed very recently by the Israeli attack on Hezbollah terrorists in Lebanon with the tacit understanding of the powers that be—and all this to arrest terrorism through might, but;
Couldn’t there be even a pause and an attempt to have a summit discussion to see why the terrorists do what they do, whilst at the same time being ready for war? A complete turn around of an approach sans hatred and with forgiveness seems to be the need of the hour to meet international terrorism—even now it’s not too late.

Today we see the stature of the main decision makers of Iraq and Lebanon not maintaining their earlier glorified heights, and the problem of terrorism not significantly arrested: the spirit of a rebellion can never be stifled with might. These leaders went the way of all other leaders in history with wars that never had a victor—leaving only devastation and death that took a long time to rebuild.

Perhaps following the teachings of the greats among easterners, such as Lord Buddha, Jesus Christ and Gandhi with his theory of ahimsa—which however may not be most the appropriate for today’s terrorists—the problem of terrorism would have taken a different course. Where have we gone wrong? Perhaps there is a flaw in practicing their teachings, in that the meditative search within for truth and enlightenment is not accompanied by an outflow of altruistic love forgiveness and service to neighbor, replacing hatred; and this—can spell disaster and havoc in society with harboring of selfishness within such individuals!

Force of might can always have short term gains, but never long term as the opposing forces can always regroup their might if their aspirations are continued to be thwarted. A discourse on such thwarted aspirations, sans hatred and with a spirit of forgiveness, with third party reciprocation, before a hasty declaration of war, seems to be the only successful alternative.
Shouldn’t the decision makers of our local theater of war take a leaf from the fateful experiences of various other leaders, and beware to act with some discernment before even spurring a war—such as the recently ignited spark of Mavilaru that perhaps could have been solved with internationalparticipation—rather than resorting to mass deaths and devastation:

In keeping with the thoughts expressed herein, this writer composed the poem appended; it was carried in this journal in 2003.

Cheek to Cheek
Pa said the son; they talk and talk of peace, just what is this peace?
This illusive peace to war is like chalk is to cheese.
Conflict resolutions they say, but are we all not lost in it.
How come said the son when all human beings yearn for this?

Yes said pa, but we have separate minds and separate wills;
Unlike robots we can create and do what we will.
Then what should we do said the son, to have the peace, we all seek;
Use your will to do what is right; good conscience, do keep.

Will not shooting and killing be the easier way out said the son.
Where did you learn this asked the surprised father from the son?
This is what we see on television day in and day out;
The bullet and the gun are the only way those in power can shout.

My advice to turn the other cheek—did you follow asked the curious father.
John slapped me and with no show of temper, I turned the other cheek: he rather;
Was surprised and his fury vanished before mine own eyes.
That would be the best way said the father, unable to control tears from his eyes
They told me father; without greed and craze for power the world will be still.
Yes, that is what rulers of old taught to retain their power and do their will.
What should we do now, if that is what comes down to us from them?
Why let those blind keep us blind; open your eyes, scales will fall off then.

But some say it is cowardly meekness that the world will not condone.
You did try and found what boldness and courage are needed for this alone.
The highest power on earth should try this—even now, with good design;
Though with short victory—vicious cycle’s bound to follow tragedy Eleven Nine.
‘Hatred will not cease with hatred’ Lord Buddha.
Oscar E V Fernando
Peace Ambassador
UPF
11th September 2006

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