Kids & Parenting

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The Incredible Power of Good Surprises:
Twelve Tips to Positively Surprise Your Children
Arriving at work in an early morning rush, you see something unusual on your desk. It's a small vase with three fresh purple and yellow pansies from the grandmotherly co-worker. Or, picking up a stack of envelopes from your home mailbox in the dwindling afternoon sunlight, you notice an official looking return address. Opening the envelope quickly, you find a check for $34, with an explanation that your taxes had been overpaid. Or, driving toward your house you notice something looks different. Your neighbor has cut your grass and trimmed all the ragged weeds at the edges. In every instance, was your immediate expectation that something good was about to happen? Were you pleasantly surprised? Was there a smile, a relaxation? Single parents have a special appreciation for those refreshing moments when the load lightens.
Our children are subject to the world's bad news, pressure from peers, academic strivings, and the sometimes difficult stresses of finding relationship balance in our single parent homes. Will the power of good surprises give them more hope? Will good surprises contribute a positive edge to their attitudes about life?
Research has demonstrated that children will live up to the expectations communicated about them.
Two classrooms of students were given very different descriptions of their future performance. One group was told their tasks would be difficult, their performance would be at best mediocre, and they could expect little success accomplishing the work before them. The other class was given the exact same work, but the outcomes were described with positive expectations. They were told they would do quite well, be able to complete their tasks with little-to-no difficulty, and would have excellence outcomes. Which class really did well? The second class, with positive expectations, finished with flying colors. The first class, with difficult expectations, struggled and finished poorly. How does this connect with good surprises? It clearly illustrates how our human expectations of ourselves and others affect our attitudes, our accomplishment, and very likely our stress levels.
The child (or adult, as well) who expects positive events, successful endeavors, and uplifting relationship interactions will own those attitudes. What's more, their resilience when negative events do come along is stronger. A wise old college professor told his students that children who are the most nurtured will be the adults who are most able to handle life stresses successfully. He did not mean spoiling by indulging bad behaviors. He meant focused, positive care.
One positive surprise can bolster a child briefly. Repeated positive surprises can establish a child's positive expectations. These surprises need not solve his or her problems. That good surprise will build a child's expectation that not every surprise in life is unpleasant or shocking. Our single parented children have likely faced some painful surprises, some losses, and unexpected, undesired changes. We, as parents to them, can help restore and refresh the part of them that relies on hope. This need not cost very much, may be small but meaningful, and may take a little time. The payoff for our children is invaluable. As our children also seek to understand God through us, they can realize that God is also a God of good surprises.
These 12 suggestions are starter ideas. You will know what is meaningful for your child. You may enjoy your child's astonishment, delight, smiles, and wonderment. You may have as much fun as they do!
1. Showing up unannounced 30 minutes before school or day care is over to take your child for a snack and a walk (on the beach or any favorite place)
2. Hiding a cheerful note and sticker in their pants pocket
3. Stuffing a pack of fruit roll-ups in the toes of their shoes during the night
4. Suddenly offering to play any activity, read any story of their choice for 30 minutes
5. Tying a ribbon with a small plastic dinosaur (plastic anything fun, such as dragonfly, flower, airplane, glitter worm) on the handle of their tooth brush
6. Not mentioning that you've stuck glow-in-the-dark stars on their bedroom ceiling while they were out
7. Mailing them a sweet or funny greeting card to your home address
8. Showing up with bubble soap at bedtime (for 15 minutes time limit)
9. Stick a joke or funny picture to the bottom of their milk glass, plate, fork etc.
10. Make a paper place mat with their name and several clean jokes printed on it (clean jokes are available on the internet)
11. Participate in a spontaneous paper airplane flying contest with them (you can make the planes out of simple plain white paper)
12. Ask them their favorite things (colors, foods etc), and put the list on your refrigerator, then use those one at a time to surprise them. This might be an all yellow lunch, pizza for their special supper, or whatever you dream up.

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