Grief

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The first minutes
they said I
sounded like
someone who
spoke in tongues
(or what they thought it would sound like,
These friends
Being unchurched
And having never
Been in a Pentecostal church.)
They said they could not understand me,
there was so much anguish
in my voice,
they said my words
were unintelligible.
How foolish of them.
I wasn’t speaking to them,
I was speaking to God.

The first day they said I fell a lot.
It was because
I did
Not
Want
To walk
Forward
Into the future
Without her.
So, yes,
I fell
A lot
on my knees
to the ground.
I did this at the hospital,
In her room,
On the street
In the driveway,
At the cemetery
At my bedside.

So I could not walk
Or talk
Or eat
Or sleep.
But I could weep
And scream
And speak
A language
Only God
Understood
And I could
Write her eulogy
As only someone
Who loved her with
A mighty
Mother’s love
would do
And I
Could
Could
Could
Do nothing else
For a very long time.

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