Christian Living

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“Look at me.” Who knew those words could cause a meltdown? I attempt to get our daughter’s attention with this one little phrase: “Look at me.” Somehow in the two short years that she has been a part of this family, she has learned that those words are a warning; a sign of things to come – things she would rather not come. I guess that’s a good thing. It means we are being consistent, right? The bad thing, though, is that she has begun to assume the end and attempt to ignore that little warning.

Here is what happens next. Isabel slowly glances sideways, being sure not to actually move her head. Her facial features become tense in defiance and the room becomes silent. Mind you, this whole episode started with a minor infraction.

I repeat: “Look at me.” Her eyes immediately go back to whatever it is that she is doing. She continues playing as if she never heard me. This is what drives me crazy. I am trying to teach her. My intention was not to punish her, but to teach her. I ask her to look at me so that I can be sure she understands what I am saying and the importance of the lesson being taught. But in a deliberate act of disobedience, she refuses to even look at me.

Our minor infraction is now a major issue. Before the ignoring act, it is easy to believe that my child is not disobeying, but rather just forgot the rule or is simply being childish instead. But now I know that she knows what she is doing. Furthermore, she knows it is wrong. To deny that this is deliberate disobedience would be me trying to pull my own ignoring act. Something small has become something big. Consequences that would have been light are now heavy and required.

My heart breaks! She is so intelligent. She constantly amazes me with her creative and clever mind. I know that she is capable. I know that she understands. That is what makes disciplining her so difficult. I want her to choose the right, yet for some reason she refuses. Why? What is it that causes this lack of wisdom? Is it simply stubbornness? Desire for self-governance? Is it that she does not trust me to know what is right and best?

Then it hits me. It is her sinful nature. The same sinful nature given to her by me; given to me by my mother by her mother … given to all of us by Adam and Eve.

This must be how God feels. How often have I tried to ignore His guidance because I didn’t want to hear what He had to teach me? How many times have I deliberately disobeyed Him simply because I wanted to continue playing in my sins? How often do I myself snowball small problems into bigger ones? His heart must be so broken that I refuse to look at Him!

Being a mother has shed new light on many points of Scripture and faith. Before kids I would spout off my doctrine and theology without hesitation; without too much introspection. After all, I knew the truths and saw no conflict in my life. My doctrine and beliefs have not changed, but now I see these truths in a new light. I see them not only from my perspective as God’s adopted child, but also from the perspective of a parent. I understand how and why our Father aches when we sin. I now have a tangible example in my every day life. I understand why He wants what is best for His children and how it must hurt Him when we refuse to trust Him. It is all much clearer to me now. Becoming a mother has sparked awesome growth in my relationship with God, our Father. I see differently what our relationship is what is should be.

So what do I do now? How do I take this new understanding and live it out? First things first: I confess. I seek His forgiveness. Secondly, I immediately stop what I am doing and I look at Him. Not just a sideways glance, but really look at Him. God is infinitely wiser than we could ever imagine. He has specific plans designed for my life. He sees all that I am and all that I can be. But I will miss every bit of that if I refuse to look at Him. In seeing Him it is so much easier to be what He created me to be.

Every time I hear myself tell Isabel to look at me, I now hear my Father asking me to look at Him. Have you looked at Him today? Only by looking at Him can you and I become the moms we need to be for our children, that we can teach them all that they need to know, so that one day they can look at Him on their own.

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