Christian Living

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Sex... The Truth about Abstinence
I slammed the weight home and laid back against the bench, breathing hard. The two women walked by again, in their tight workout outfits and my gaze followed them before I caught myself and turned back to the mirror. The gym was about half full, with men and women laughing and flexing and stretching and lifting. The sound of iron crashing home along with the loud rock music blaring through the speakers filled the room. I put my head back and closed my eyes. It wasn't easy being a single, Christian male in this environment. Why did God have to make women so beautiful? Maybe the Muslims had it right, with the whole 'full garb' thing.
I sighed and wrapped my gloved hands around the steel bar. No. It wouldn't matter. I'd probably be getting excited by ankles or toes or something. With a grunt, I pushed up the weight and hammered out ten reps. Sometimes the weight lifting helped with the frustration. Sometimes it made it worse. Just today, I thought, just be abstinent today. I flashed a smile towards the ceiling. Today might be a rough one, Lord. Gonna need you!
Of course, as much as I struggled with my abstinence, as difficult as it could be, I was able to deal with it for only one reason. Just the past week I'd tried to explain it to another friend of mine, a Christian who had been single for a long time...

"I'm just worried that I might get bitter." Dave said, his gaze following a good looking blonde on the other side of the road.. "I've been single a long time. And well, I think of all the missed opportunities, and I wonder if I'm going to look back on it and say, 'look at all the sex I missed'?"
I nodded. It was a Friday night, and we were walking through the downtown core, the clubs lit up with their neon signs, and the people dressed up as they stumbled and rolled along in groups for their Friday night out after a week at work.
"Some days, I'm not even sure why God asks us to do it? Or if it's relevant for today?" Dave said, "I mean, I'm not saying we should sleep with everyone, but don't you think it was different in the 1st Century, Steve."
I was quiet for a minute, listening to the music rolling out from the clubs and looked at my friend. About six feet tall, with dark, intelligent features, Dave wouldn't have any trouble matching up with a woman if he really pursued it.
"Well, why don't you do it then?" I said.
"Why don't I 'what'?"
"Sleep with someone. Next time a woman asks you. How long have you been single, like ten years? Maybe you're right. Maybe it isn't that big a deal."
Dave stopped and spun around so fast I thought he was going to fall.
"What! You're a minister! You can't say that! You think I should have sex?"
"If you're going to be bitter about it, yeah. If its just a stupid rule, Dave, then do it."
He didn't say anything, and we walked in silence for a while until we got to his car. He leaned over the top of the car.
"You're trying to tell me something, right. This is a metaphor or something."
I shook my head.
"Not a metaphor. If something is just a stupid rule, if that's what abstinence is, than you've missed the point, you know. My abstinence stems directly from my relationship with Christ, my daily relationship. I don't have sex because I'm trying to be a Christian or act Christian. Anything that happens because of a rule is religion. And besides, you're right. You will be bitter. That's why so many people hate 'organized religion.' They should."
I ducked in the car, and for the rest of the ride home we made small talk, and laughed about a few of the crazies we'd seen. But in the dim light I could see his mind working on what I'd just said. It hadn't come easily for me, either...

I picked my head up from the fountain after a long drink, and nearly bumped into another tightly clad woman who smiled at me as I walked by her and headed towards the exit. It was the funny thing about sex. As difficult as abstinence was, I'd often thought that it was because it was so difficult that it kept me turning back to God. And while people could abstain simply because they were following a rule, it was the spirit, not the letter that mattered. I would not be abstinent without my relationship with Jesus. It was too hard. Heck, it was downright brutal at times even with the relationship!
Our churches get very excited these days when we talk about sex. They are quick to condemn it, to tell others how they sin when they engage in it outside of marriage. And while i agree with them, it often feels angry to me. Not loving. Even more, I think it is a classic case of treating the symptom, not the root. We live in a society dominated by sex, the age of puberty has dropped six years over the past two centuries, and divorce is rampant. In this setting, if our choice about sex is merely a rule, a lifestyle, than why are we surprised when people struggle with it and become bitter?
I have too, except that these days I don't worry about it being the 'unforgivable sin' or some day 'falling down' or even abstinence for the next five years. Instead, I keep my thoughts on today. On my relationship with God. On the closeness that my attempt to honor Him brings me. And it's that which I treasure the most. It is that which I don't want to lose. Even in the sweat soaked times of the worst case of longing for human intimacy, for sex, I can call upon my intimacy with my Creator, and wait another day.


-Steve (www.stephenburns.ca)


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