Humor

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Larry Lilly’s Letter Friday August 4, 2006

I am departing from my planned program today on the ‘merits’ of Nietzsche, though search as I may, I can find nothing about the man to recommend him other than a few good statements. I figure that if reading about his morbid life and reprobate conduct so depressed me it may also burst your bubble on the day millions widely proclaim their unshakable faith in God when they utter the most mouthed declaration of the existence of the Deity with, “Thank God It’s Friday.” They even have a restaurant proclaiming it is the official watering hole of this cult of thankful workers.

I thought you might like a light, Sunday morning, ‘God put me on earth to feel good’ type of article, for we all know that a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.

The more I thought about something cheerful, the more I realized that I really need a good laugh, for I have caught a spirit of morbidity from someone. I was at church last night, perhaps this spirit was communicated from the joyful children of the Lord. I was even lifted to rapturous levels of courage by a statement from a well wisher who stated, in a knowing, almost conspiratorial tone, “I know how you feel pastor, my husband took an overdose when he was in a condition similar to yours.” May God bless this thoughtful Saint.

At around 3:55 this morning I came across the following and I did chuckle, though it is likely if this article gains a vast readership it will destroy all the good I have accomplished by lifting the blonde race to new heights through chronicling the huge achievements of the Great Blonde.

The Associated Press reported:

“Killer Biscuits Wanted For Attempted Murder

Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over the car. He noticed that Lisa’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied that shed been shot in the back of the head, and that she had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from the back of her head. When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head… A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. Lisa is blonde.”

As on a few previous occasions I urgently request that upon no circumstance do you forward this to a certain blonde. My life is on the line in this TGIF attempt to lighten your load with a smile.

Larry Lilly Copyright © 2006 Use with credit only if you are NOT married to a blonde.

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