Encouragement

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PREFACE

My journey toward writing this book began last year when I found an original copy of Ben Franklin’s autobiography in my personal library left to me by my grandmother. I use the word found, because although I knew it was there, I never really saw it until I read it. This man most of us remember for a crazy thing like flying a kite in an electrical storm was quite a character. Besides proving that lightning and electricity was the same thing, he was many, many things; an inventor, diplomat, soldier, statesman, scientist, and yes, even a hero. But the thing that most inspired me most about Ben Franklin is that he had the bright idea that he could be perfect. I did not say he was perfect or that he achieved perfection, but that he strove to be perfect. He did this by writing down a dozen things that he considered to be of virtue for living a good life. He made a calendar for each month of the year with one of his twelve virtues listed on it. He would then spend each day of that particular month trying to perfect that virtue. He figured that if he could live each month adhering to the listed virtue for that month, at the end of one year, he would be perfect. He had a system of making a red asterisk by each day on the calendar when he would fail to live up to that particular virtue. What he discovered by the end of the year was he had more asterisks than not. He quickly realized, being the genius that he was that he could not obtain perfection. He did learn many valuable things in the process. The most important was that he did not have to win every argument he engaged in just because he knew he was right. He discovered that people liked him more if he shut up and listened than if he always had to prove them wrong.

Ben was not particular religious, although he loved to hear a great oration and sat in on many a sermon by elegant preachers. If he agreed with them and liked the oration he would support them both politically and financially. He believed in God, but had a great disdain for organized religion as a whole. My point for sharing all of this with you is this; no matter what your religious preference, background, race, political party, etc. there has always been and will always be a place in all civilized cultures for virtues. I guess at this point, you and I need to agree on the word virtue and its implications and applications. Our friend and teacher Daniel Webster states the following:
(vir-tue)
1. a. Moral excellence and righteousness’; goodness.
b. An example or kind of moral excellence: the virtue of patience.
2. Chastity, especially in a woman.
3. A particularly efficacious, good, or beneficial quality; advantage: a plan with
the virtue of being practical.
4. Effective force or power: believed in the virtue of prayer.
5. virtues Christianity. The fifth of the nine orders of angels in medieval
angelology.
6. Obsolete. Manly courage; valor.
Idiom:
By/in virtue of: On the grounds or basis of; by reason of: well-off by virtue of a large inheritance.

I will step out on a limb and say that this word “virtue” does not exist in most vocabularies of our people today, especially the younger population. The reason for this, as I see it, and did you notice Mr. Webster also defined the word virtue using words such as Moral excellence and righteousness, goodness, etc; it is a word that is categorized as a religious or Christian word. With this attached meaning, one has to be good or holy to live a virtuous life. My intent is not for this book to be another ABC or how to book. It is especially not intended to show you how to be a good Christian or good anything. As is see it, the Bible has that covered.
I would like to show you a quick quote which I think worth mentioning here. It is taken from The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, titled VIRTUE ETHICS. “Virtue is not itself habit. Habituation is an aid to the development of virtue, but true virtue requires choice, understanding and knowledge. The virtuous agent doesn’t just act justly out of habit, an unreflective response, but has come to recognize the values of virtue and why it is the appropriate response. Virtue is chosen, chosen knowingly and chosen for its own sake. Finally, virtue is determined by the right reason. Virtue requires the right desire and the right reasons to act from.” There was much more to the above mentioned paper, but I wanted to include the better parts for your benefit in order for us to better understand the word virtue. Simply stated, virtue to me is any thing or any quality that one deems desirable to possess as part of their makeup or character. It is not a one time act or a sometimes act. It, after being practiced becomes part of that person and is that person. But, a virtue to me may not be a virtue to you. I do think it is safe to say that most of us would probably agree that the virtues Ben wrote down are or can be of worth to any of us.

I would like this book to be read by all people, regardless of race, religion, background, or language. It is my hope that upon completion of this book, you will be able to decide for yourself a virtue or virtues that you would like to apply to your life, and that by doing so, can earnestly practice that or those virtues. You will simply be a better and happier person for the journey. Not that anyone will like you more, but you will perhaps like yourself more, and it is my believe that if each of us truly like ourselves, then maybe the world will be a better place for us all. No matter who you may be or where you are from, or where you are going to, you, me and every other living soul has one thing in common, which is, we all have to live on this mud ball called earth. And, it is much better to live with someone you like. Below is the list of virtues as taken from Ben Franklins Autobiography.
Pages 102, 103, and 104.

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.

2. Silence: Speak not, but what might benefit others or yourself, avoid trifling conversations.

3. Order: Let all things have their place. Let each part of your business have its time.

4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought to. Perform without fail what you resolved.

5. Frugality: Made no expense but to do good to others or yourself, i.e., waste nothing.

6. Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. Sincerity: Use no boastful deceit. Think innocently and justly and if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. Moderation: Avoid extremes, forbear resending injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no un-cleanliness in the body, clothes or habitation.

11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or accidents common or unavoidable.

12. Chastity: (Ben wrote nothing beside this one. We will define it later.)

13. Humility: (Ben added this one only after a Quaker friend told him he was prideful in all conversation, and he had to be right all of the time.)

After several months of trying to perfect the aforementioned listed virtues Ben
concluded that he had failed miserably and that each and every one of us has flaws in our character, and that this was normal. He did have to admit that even though he failed at his attempt he was a much better person for the journey. Let’s all agree here that no one is perfect and no one ever will be. Don’t try to live up to someone else’s idea of whom or what you should be. Let them be that way if they want too. You be you, but be the best you, you can be. With all this clear in our minds, we can proceed.

CHAPER 1

TEMPERANCE
tem•per•ance
Pronunciation: 'tem-p(&-)r&n(t)s, -p&rn(t)s
Function: noun
: habitual moderation in the indulgence of the appetites or passions ; specifically : moderation in or abstinence from the use of intoxicating drink.

I would like to begin with taking the root word for temperance and open our talk with it. Also, I would like to say that Ben did not mention this, but I think it necessary because if we can control or temper, then all things will be easier. (Temper) It seems to me that in this day and age almost everyone is mad about something, someone, some group or at some idea. Why are people so angry over a sum of money that was lost to them or at something they claimed was a wrong by another party? Whatever the reason; it gives Judge Judy something to yell about. Maybe all this anger is not our fault! Maybe all of us have a chemical imbalance of the brain from all the preservatives we digest. Maybe it’s no one’s fault. Maybe we are all angry because we can’t help it. No, I don’t think so.

I would like to take a slight deviation here and make a reference to the Bible. Now, don’t stop reading because I used the B-word. Even if you don’t agree with Jesus and all of his teachings, the simplest of us will agree that there are a lot of good ideas in the Bible to help us live a better life and that is our goal as we study these virtues. So, be as opened minded as you profess to be and keep reading. I would like to add here the political correct thing today is to be tolerant of everyone and everything; so with that in mind, be tolerant of me using references to the Bible. You might learn something.

Psalms 145:8 (New Living Translation)
“The lord is kind and merciful, slow to get angry, full of unfailing love.”
Proverbs 15:1 (NLV)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.”
Proverbs 15:18 (NLV)
“A hothead starts fights; a cool-tempered person tries to stop them.”
Proverbs 16:32 (NLV)
“It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city.”
Proverbs 19:11 (NLV)
“People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs.”

What is all this saying to us? Well, the first passage demonstrates to us an example of how God is slow to get angry, full of love and that we should be like Him. The other passages simply mean; it is easier to catch a fly with honey than with vinegar. Get it? Try it yourself. The next time someone makes a snide remark or does something that would normally make you mad, control your tongue and say something nice. It will blow the other persons mind and most of the time they will cease their attack. Go ahead and try it. I dare you. Jesus himself said, “Be slow to anger and quick to listen.” Tell that to O.J. Simpson. The truth is; we all need to hear it.

I grew up with a father and an older brother who both had quick fuses. My father married several times because if his wife did not agree with him, he would get angry and start throwing people or things around. My only brother whom I love dearly had a crazy temper. He beat up people all the time, including me, and that was just for practice. I was blessed with a gentle temper, but as I grow older I must confess that even I have less patience than before.

I think the world around us plays a large role in this. There seems to be so much injustice and so much pressure that it’s a wonder we all haven’t snapped. Our prisons are full of men and women that for one reason or another, in an angry, quick, snap decision, hurt someone or something, and now they are paying for it. Recently, in our church the warden of Angola Prison here in Louisiana spoke to our congregation. He gave story after story of young men that are spending their lives in prison, because out of anger they hurt someone or something. If you listen to the news, which I don’t, you will see that everyone is mad at everyone else. Recently, I heard of a man who got mad at his wife and threw her off an 80-foot overpass and then jumped off himself. Both died. The same day I heard of a man who worked in a poultry plant and was fired. He went back with a gun and shot his boss and two other employees because he blamed them for his dismissal. What a crazy world! Do you know anyone like that? What about you? Come on and be honest; what things set you off? I am not too sure that all of these angry people are really angry, but are using anger to mask other feelings; feelings of fear, hopelessness, hurt, loneliness, discontent, etc.

When my wife and I were dating she would always get angry and gripe a few hours before I had to fly back to Houston. She finally told me that this was the way she had of dealing with the hurt she felt. For years I did not understand this until she explained it to me. I don’t think she really understood it either. She was hurt that I had to leave, but used anger to deal with it so she would not hurt some much. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. Around and around it goes.
Kids are mad at their parents; parents are made at their kids; students are angry with the teachers; teachers are mad at school boards; school boards are mad at the government; government is mad at the citizens and around and around it goes. Hearts and minds are full of bitterness. It seems we all want to get even instead of getting along.
I love that old song that goes, “from a distance the world looks blue and green, and the snowcap mountains white.” You have seen the pictures of our earth from space. Notice I said “our earth from space.” You can’t see individual people or groups of color, or religions, or sexual preferences. All you see is blue, green, and white. It looks like one big happy place from up there. I think this is an important point to realize. We as humans have a tendency to view everything or every event as a single happening. This causes us to have a narrow focus. We can’t see the entire picture. Have you ever seen a picture made up of pictures like on the TV commercials where you start out only seeing one picture and as the camera draws back, it takes in thousands of pictures to form a larger, single picture? That is what I am talking about. We are all part of a larger picture, and it takes each of us to make that picture.

Have you ever worked on a puzzle and gotten to the end only to find a single piece missing? As beautiful as the picture on the box is, the puzzle picture is worthless without that last piece. If we could only realize how important we all are to each other and that without any one of us we are all incomplete. As far as science can tell we are it, at least in this part of the galaxy. We have no where else to go. We all have to live here, at least for the time being. One day we will colonize other planets, but now is all we have and here is all we have.

It seems to me that things would be much simpler if we put differences aside and just live together in peace. Peace is a decision, a choice. Having the ability to choose and make decisions is one of the things that separate us from the other animals. I seem to remember someone in the Bible saying: “Love covers a multitude of sins.”
Now, back to Ben’s original list: Temperance: Eat not to dullness.

When I was in the third grade I could eat an entire sandwich in two bites. No other kid in my third grade class could do that. Wow, what an accomplishment! All it really did for me was make me look like a pig, but at age eleven who cares? This was cool in school, but do it at a fancy, swanky restaurant, and you better duck because mama is going to slap your face. Why can’t we eat what we want, as much as we want, and how we want? I use to retaliate when someone would comment about how fast I ate. You mind your plate and I’ll mind mine. My wife always tells me to slow down and enjoy my food. I do enjoy it, and I enjoy eating it fast. I say all of this to say this; we have become a fat nation.

Example, how do we get people to come to church? Have a free dinner! Let’s face it, we love to eat. Not only eat, but we are picky, too. When my wife and two children and I go out to eat everyone wants something different. I use psychology and say, “You kids ought to be glad you get to go out and eat. There are children in third world countries that are starving,” to which my son replies, “We are not in a third world country, dad!” He is right as we are blessed beyond measure and we are spoiled. Back to the overeating thing; no one has an eating problem anymore. They have an eating disorder. This sounds better when we blame it on something we can’t control, doesn’t it? It’s kind of like no one has an anger problem, but rather they have a behavioral disorder. I would guess that most of us eat out of boredom, stress, unhappiness, etc. Which are all legitimate reasons, I guess. But, I think like most “disorders” we partake because of lack of self control.
Temperance: Drink not to elevation.

Jesus himself said, “Do not lie with the drunkard least the master of the house comes and finds you sleeping.” I love math. I actually won the national math contest in the tenth grade. Math is really very simple. One plus one equals two. If you eliminate any part of the equation you will not arrive at the intended sum. Let’s apply that line of thought to drinking. How can someone avoid the pitfalls of drinking? A person drives home from work and stops off at the pub, (part one of the equation.) Their buddies prompt them to have one drink; after all it can’t hurt anything. They do, (part two of the equation.) They have more than one, as usual; get drunk, drive home and start a fight with their loved ones, (the sum.) Again, if we eliminate any part of the equation, we will not arrive at the sum. Get it? Pretty simple, huh? I’ve heard that scientist have discovered a gene that predisposes a person to be an alcoholic. Huh, sounds pretty scientific, doesn’t it? Not really. I have the answer to that one too. Don’t pick up the bottle and the gene will never be turned on! I have seen alcohol turn good honest men of all colors into immoral, unmanly, profane idiots. These are the same men who without alcohol in their system are normally good, wholesome fathers, husbands, and workers. Again, a little alcohol in moderation is okay. Even Jesus said; “to take a little wine for the belly.” Food or liquor and most things in life in moderation are okay. If a man or woman allows himself or herself to be ruled by alcohol, that person is weak, both in willpower and in spirit, but how can they avoid it. Huh? Let’s see, oh, I have it. Don’t buy it, don’t hang out in bars, and don’t hang out with others that do. Duh! For those of you not up on today’s lingo, duh means of course, stupid, no brainer, etc. I know I sound harsh, but alcoholism is a harsh subject. Millions of lives every day are destroyed, interrupted or changed forever by the effects of alcohol and overeating contributes to most of our social physical problems. Notice, I said the effects of alcohol, not alcohol itself. Again, if you don’t’ pick up the bottle, then the alcohol can’t get to your mouth, stomach and yea, your brain.

This year a beautiful, vibrant, seventeen year old girl was killed just down the street from my house by a drunk driver. It happened around four in the afternoon on a Saturday. The drunk driver was driving seventy-five miles per hour in a thirty-five mile per hour zone. What was he doing and why was he drunk on a Saturday before five o’clock? And why was he driving forty-miles per hour over the speed limit? That child is gone forever because that man let alcohol rule his life. There are many reasons why people drink. I’ve heard them all. Some are just excuses, others are a cowardly reason to escape life and its’ troubles. Others are just plain stupid.


CHAPER 2

SILENCE

si•lence
1. The condition or quality of being or keeping still and silent.
2. The absence of sound; stillness.
3. A period of time without speech or noise.
4. Refusal or failure to speak out.

v. tr. si•lenced, si•lenc•ing, si•lenc•es
1. To make silent or bring to silence: silenced the crowd with a gesture.
2. To curtail the expression of; suppress: silencing all criticism; silenced their opponents.

[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin silentium, from sil ns, silent- present participle of sil re, to be silent.]

Main Entry: si•lence
Function: noun
1 : the state of keeping or being silent; especially : forbearance from speech or comment
2 : failure to make something known esp. in violation of a duty to do so —see also estoppel by silence at ESTOPPEL 1

Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary of Law, © 1996 Merriam-Webster, Inc.



silence
\Si"lence\, n. [F., fr. L. silentium. See Silent.] 1. The state of being silent; entire absence of sound or noise; absolute stillness.

I saw and heared; for such a numerous host Fled not in silence through the frighted deep. --Milton.

2. Forbearance from, or absence of, speech; taciturnity; muteness.

3. Secrecy; as, these things were transacted in silence.

The administration itself keeps a profound silence. --D. Webster.

4. The cessation of rage, agitation, or tumilt; calmness; quiest; as, the elements were reduced to silence.

5. Absence of mention; oblivion.

And what most merits fame, in silence hid. --Milton.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.



silence
\Si"lence\, interj. Be silent; -- used elliptically for let there be silence, or keep silence. --Shak.


“Speak not, but what may benefit others; avoid trifling conversations.” Wow! Did you see those definitions? Someone once said you have two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you talk. Now, I have to stop here and point my finger at myself. My wife has always said I need to listen, listen, listen, and listen some more. I seem to know what everyone is going to say, so I always give them the answer before they ask the question. I guess it is a gift, or something. NOT! The truth is, I just have a big mouth and I can’t wait to get my opinion in. Okay, I’ve confessed, so now we can continue. I feel much better. Jesus himself said, “be slow to speak and quick to listen.”

In this day and time it seems that everyone has something to say, but no one wants to listen to what anyone is saying. There are 500 different TV stations on the cable networks, and most of them are filled with people that have something they want us to hear. The truth is that most of them are saying a lot about nothing. Everyone wants to be heard, but no one wants to listen to anything but what they themselves are saying. It’s no wonder we can’t get anywhere. I heard someone say once, “A conversation is not valid unless both parties speaking understand what the other party is saying.” I did not say we have to agree with the other party, just listen enough to know what is being said.

Have you ever listened to two people or a group of people arguing? One person doesn’t finish speaking before the other is spouting his opinion. This can go on for hours and when it is time to go home no one else is any wiser. I saw a sign today that read; “you can’t learn and talk at the same time.”

I coach a baseball team and one of the other coaches is always telling the boys, “If you are talking, you ain’t listening.” Bingo! Many great people in the past have tried to share with the world words of great wisdom and understanding. Those that have listened have experienced great learning, and have obtained wisdom along this road we call life. Those that have not listened have continued on their downward spiral into selfishness and self-destruction as before.

There seems to be an age association with not listening. My dear, beautiful, talented, extremely intelligent daughter listened until she turned fifteen or so. I guess it must take about fifteen years to build up sufficient amounts of ear wax to block sound from the ear drum because she has not heard anything my wife and I have said since her fifteenth birthday. Ha Ha, just kidding, but you know what I mean. Seriously, it seems that when get to the teenage years, we become deaf to all wisdom and instructions. As parents we have already been through this time and we try to tell our kids what pitfalls to avoid, but inevitably the kids’ ear wax problems takes over. I guess it is like burning your hand on a stove for the first time, until you have done it yourself, you can’t really understand what it is like.

But, we did the same thing. Our parents were stupid, too. There was no way they could have known how we felt. We were the only generation to experience sexual urges, desire to drink and do drugs, etc. Right? No this is wrong. Remember what Solomon said, “there is nothing new under the sun; all is vanity.” Yea, you got it brother.

We think that we live in a more perverse generation than ever before, but we don’t. The difference now is that we have the ability to print, publish, and send the filth quickly all over the world so anyone can see it anywhere and anytime. It is the same old trash. There isn’t anything new. Oh, we design new ways to do it and show it, but it is still the same junk.

I personally have a big mouth and I thought I knew everything until I got married. My wife has assured me daily for twenty-one years that I know nothing. No, I am just kidding. Don’t get mad honey, if you are reading this. I just want everyone to know that I am only human too. No matter how wonderful she thinks I am, I keep trying to convince her of the contrary. Why is that? Stupid, I guess.

I am a physician’s assistant. My specialty is orthopedic surgery. I see about 200 patients a week in the clinic. I listen to people complain all day long, but if I don’t listen, I can’t figure out what is wrong with them. Listening is an art which each of us needs to master. It is funny as two people can listen to one person talking and hear two separate things. I once heard a man say, “It isn’t communicating if the person listening does not understand what the other person is saying.” He was right. Wars have been started over miscommunication.

I work with a great knee surgeon. He knows how to listen to the patient. He has been listening for thirty-one years. He is so good he can be in and out of a room in less than two minutes and know exactly what was wrong with the patient and treat them for such. I hear my patients talk about other doctors that never listen to them. This is stupid. The patient knows better what is wrong with him than anyone else, including the doctor. The main difference between one doctor, one nurse, and another is this, do they care? I am always telling medical students, I can teach you how to be a doctor, or a nurse, or a physician’s assistant, but I can’t teach you how to care. You have to already have that part in you. It isn’t taught in school.

I think we hit the nail on the head. The reason we don’t listen is we don’t care. The ear has never hurt anyone while it listened, but the mouth has caused great pain and anguish, started wars and separated friends and families. I guess what I really what to say is, listen man, to your kids, spouse, friends, etc., just like old Ben. People will like you a lot more, even though you may be smarter than them. Some people seem to be very intelligent until they open their mouth.

There has been much said about speaking negatively and about negative energy. Anyone see the 2004 presidential election campaign? It was sickening. Franklin said, “Talk about only things that will benefit you or others.” Hey, this is good.

Let’s go a different direction and look at the music we listen too. There are as many types of music as there are kinds of people. I won’t begin to list all the different varieties. I am sure you, like me, have a favorite kind of music. Mine is contemporary gospel and oldies from the 50’s and 60’s. I don’t know why, I just like them. To me, most music has a lot of words, but not a lot of meaning. Oh, they mean something to one who wrote the song, but not much to me as I listen to it, especially gangster rap, or maybe it should be called something that rhymes with rap. Sorry, that is just the way I feel. It is very offensive to my ears. Our children are exposed to this stuff all of the time. Watch a kid as he or she sings songs that are heard over and over and ask him or her, what they are singing about. Most of the time, the response is, I don’t know, I just like the beat. Be warned parents, music is the language of the world. It can penetrate the mind and heart quicker and easier than any other form of communication. Know what your kids are listening to and guide them to good music.

Choose your words. Lift each other up with words of encouragement. Have you ever experienced this; you’re walking to work and someone says, man, you look tired or a little sick. The next person who walks by and says you look bad or pale, and then they ask, “Are you ill?” Let this happen two or three time and before you know it, you feel sick, even though you weren’t. What about the flip side? Man, you sure look good today; have you lost weight? You haven’t, but you have a new air about yourself, a little pep in your step. You hold your chin a little higher. You get the picture. It feels good. Lift each other up, build up your brother, and speak life into them and they will grow into better people.

There’s an old saying; “Iron sharpens iron.” Paul M. is my best and truest friend even though I’ve only known him for a few years. Each time we sit down to eat, talk or whatever, we sharpen each others lives. Find someone like that. Hang out with that person. Learn from them. Emulate there lives.

There was a movie out about two years ago called Pass It Forward. The idea was to do something good for someone and have that person, in turn, do something good for someone else, and on and on. In doing so, the world would soon be filled with good deeds that were done without hope of repayment, and in turn, the world would be a better place. Jesus suggested this when he said, “Give to those who ask without hope of repayment. If a man asks you to walk a mile with him, walk two miles with him. If he asks you for your cloak, give him your coat also.” Get the picture? I hope so. I really do. Most of us are so selfish, but it is not your fault. It’s just human nature, so lets try to shed a little of the human nature and try to put on a little of the divine.

That is exactly why I am writing this book. I hope that you, the reader, in practicing your own desired list of virtues will improve your life and the life of others that you meet, and the entire world will benefit from it.

I have one additional thought I would like to interject. There is one more area of silence I think is more important than all the others. Most of us sometime during our life pray. It’s been my experience that most prayers consist of what we want God to do for us. We ask, ask and ask some more. Most of us have never heard God speak. Yes, He does speak to us. He does this in many different ways. Mostly through his written word, we call the Bible. But, He also speaks to us in our minds and hearts. Now, listen closely; you have to stop talking in order to hear Him. You might say; God has never spoken to me.” We’ll stop and think for a moment. How much time do you spend in genuine conversation with God? How many times do you stop praying and just listen? Or, just be silent and listen, listen, listen. I want to help you understand one of the greatest truths I have learned. It has changed everything I thought about God as I was growing up.

Most of us have been taught that God was some big, old guy sitting on a throne in heaven just waiting for us to screw up so he could send a lighting bolt down and strike us dead. This can’t be further form the truth. If you are a parent, ask yourself this question. How much do I love my children? Think about it. Really think. Would you die for them? Would you do anything for them? Yes, you would. If they ask anything from you, you will do your best to get it for them. The Bible says this: and I am paraphrasing. God loves you more than you love your own children and He wants to give you any good thing you ask from him. He loved you so much He let his son die for you so you could spend forever with him in heaven. Think about this. If your child does something wrong and comes to you asking forgiveness. Won’t you forgive him and still love him. You won’t throw him out or push him away. God is the same way. He will always accept you with open arms no matter what you have done. This is hard for us to understand because we can’t think like God thinks. We can’t love like He loves because He loves with perfect love. Here is my point. I know that I can go to God anytime and anyplace and He will accept me. This gives me great assurance that no matter what I have done that day or that moment, I can with a heart of repentance go to Him and He will forgive me. He will never condemn me. This makes living, for me anyway, much easier and without all that guilt.


CHAPER 3
Order
or•der P Pronunciation Key (ôr d r)
n.
1. A condition of logical or comprehensible arrangement among the separate elements of a group.
a. A condition of methodical or prescribed arrangement among component parts such that proper functioning or appearance is achieved: checked to see that the shipping department was in order.
b. Condition or state in general: The escalator is in good working order.

All things happen for a reason, or so I’ve heard. Or, another way it has been said is this, “All things work to the good to those that love the Lord.” I’ll explain later. I love my son dearly, but at age nine, order is not in his vocabulary. He could care less what his room looks like. Once a month I will get up enough courage to go in his room to see if there is anything growing in the pile of dirty clothes. He never knows where anything is because of lack of order. He has been taught order and to organize, but he just doesn’t care.

I, on the other hand am a person of order, sometimes to the point of making my wife crazy. My first college degree in radiation physics included a lot of math, chemistry and physics. Each of these disciplines requires strict order. Things are the way they are, and they can’t be changed, at least not by us. Maintaining order in all situations allows us to predict outcomes. You do this that way and a certain thing will happen every time. Order begats order. Without order things go wrong and situations break down. So, let everything have its place in time. Take a physics class and learn a little about the laws of physics. It will help you know why the world works the way it does, and, oh yea, you will be a little smarter too.

The most fascinating thing that physics has shown me is that there must be a God; someone or something greater than we are that has the power and intelligence to set all this that we call reality in motion. This branch of science we call physics is a strict order of laws held together by an invisible power or energy.

“Let each part of your business have its time.” Now Franklin was all business. Work, work, work, 24-7, but I think this can pertain to your business, work, study, religion, play and rest. Let each part of your life have its time. I am a worker, father, husband, son, friend, boss, employee, teacher, mentor, etc. and each of these are equally important parts of my life. They all require different amounts of time. Work eats up about 50-60% of my day. What is left is divided amongst all of the other things that I am and do. I try to give my family the majority of my free time. I coach my son’s baseball and basketball team, help him and my daughter with homework, shoot basketball with them, go to movies, play board games, study, and study some more. My daughter is into acting and dancing. I try to go to every play and every dance when possible. My wife works also, so together we cook, clean, and shop, etc.

I am at this moment sitting in the penthouse of a condominium twelve floors above the ocean in Orange Beach Florida watching a more than beautiful sunrise. No, I don’t own it. Some wonderful friends of ours let us use it. My wife and I dropped the kids off with their grandparents three days after Christmas and took a little vacation. We will have been married twenty two years January the first, two days from now. If you don’t think it doesn’t take a certain amount of order to stay married this long, think again. We kind of felt bad for leaving the kids, but that only lasted about a minute and a half when we stood on the balcony and looked at the view. We need the time alone and that is very important to any marriage; I promise you.

Anyway, the number one problem in America today, as I see it, is we devote too much time to the wrong things, TV and sports being the greater devours of our time when family should be number one. Here is the proper order to which we should give honor to (1) God, (2) spouse, (3) children, and (4) church. Noticed I listed God and church separately. It is God who saves and restores our life, not the church. The church is the avenue by which God chooses to work through. Here, God is number one, and church is number four. The next one (5) work and (6) everything else. We spend our puny short lives trying to live in the wrong order. If God is not number one, the first place, on top, then no matter what the order the others fall into, everything will be messed up. The Bible states; “Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all things will be added unto you.” Notice I said all things meaning everything else will be added in the proper order.
We teach our children how to become educated and skilled and then expect them to enter a chaotic world and survive. Then, we wonder why they fail time after time. We let the wrong things interfere with church activities and we put church last. Only God knows where he fits into our order of things. Fathers, try turning off the idiot box and spending time with your children. Be an example to them by leading the way to God and church by your example. Let them hear your words of encouragement, hear you pray, read scripture, praise the pastor and church staff, etc. Mothers let your peace and love be your garment. Show them God’s love in you and they will know how to love others. Maybe if dads and moms would follow these guidelines our sorry world will be somewhat better for the next generation. Remember that today is a result of yesterday. Tomorrow will be a result of how we live today.

Now, back to order. Let everything have its order. One two three and away we go. Along with order, we must strike a balance with everything. My son loves to read, read and read some more. He gets fixed on one certain thing and reads only that type of book for weeks at a time. I tell him to read from several books including his Bible each day to maintain a balance between reality and fantasy. Here also is a major problem with our lives. We are raised on fantasy with all the junk we watch on TV and have no idea what the real world is all about. Our schools are trying to teach our children that all people are equal in every way and there are no winners or losers. That sounds great, but that is not the truth. I coached a non-competitive basketball team this year for a church league. We won every game. At the awards ceremony every child received the same trophy and there was no mention of the fact that any certain team won first, second or third place.

There are also schools which teach the children there are no right or wrong answers. You just have to get close to the most correct answer. What? Let’s see, put a gun to someone’s head and pull the trigger. Do you think the judge will say, “it’s okay, it wasn’t wrong, it just wasn’t leaning toward the best of choices.” No! He’s going to slam the iron doors in your face and hook you up to the electric chair. Yes, people were created equal by God and all colors and races are equal in His sight, but this
Godly trait doesn’t hold true in this world. This is a sad truth and we need to teach our children this, because it may be them that are being treated unequally for one reason or another. We should teach them to treat all others equally, but that they should expect at times that others may not treat them in kind. We shelter our kids to the point that they are in a kind of fantasy world themselves. Then, they graduate high school and step in to reality and don’t know how to cope with it all.

Both my children went to private Christian schools from pre-K to second grade. I then put them in public schools. They received a great foundation and this helped both excel in the public school gateway programs. A lot of people leave their children in expensive private schools because they want to shelter them from other kinds of people. Others say I want my child in a Christian school so they can get God and religion every day. That’s great, but I don’t depend on the school to teach my children about God. That’s my job. No, it’s not the church’s job either. It’s your job as a parent.

Here is an example of that order thing again. You, mom and dad, teach your children at home about God. You, then take them to church to reinforce the teaching. They, then go to school with the knowledge of God in their minds and hearts so that they can be an example in whatever school they attend. Wow, I bet that blows even some of you Christian parents away, doesn’t it? It’s okay, your not alone.

This is one of the faults that has led our society to an immoral state. We have depended on the schools, the church and everyone else to raise our children and teach them the right things. Well, this is a good example of how getting things out of order has led to destruction. Remember how I said earlier, that order begats order? Well, disorder begats problems. I could go on talking about many areas of our lives and the order that needs to be followed, but I think by this time, you’ve got it.





CHAPER 4
Resolution
res•o•lu•tion P Pronunciation Key (r z -l sh n)
n.
1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.
2. A resolving to do something.
3. A course of action determined or decided on.

Every thing we do has a consequence associated with it, good or bad. With every decision to be made we should gather all the information possible so we can make the best informed decision. Notice, I said informed. Know the facts; weigh the outcome of each decision; make a choice and deal with it. Most wrong decisions are uninformed, spontaneous, emotion-driven decisions. They are almost always wrong.

I heard a child ask his dad once in Wal-Mart, “Can I have this toy?” The dad said, “Ask me again in two weeks and I will get it for you, if you still want it.” I knew the guy and asked him later about it. Two weeks later the child had forgotten about the toy.

Spontaneity has its place, but rarely in an important decision making. Make your mind up and then perform what you should. In other words, make up your mind to always do what is right and always do it. It is never wrong to do the right thing. Yes, there are times when one is ignorant of the right or wrong thing to do, but I believe that everyone who is mentally stable knows right from wrong; even a young child who cannot yet speak knows that “No” means no. When a person takes something that is not his he tries to hide the fact even though he has never been told, “Thou shalt not steal.” So, make up your mind; do what is right and always do what you made your mind up to do. Live this way and you can’t go wrong even if you make a wrong decision.

Now, as to this word resolution. “Resolve to perform what you ought to. Perform without fail what you resolved.” I believe old Ben was without fail a man of total resolution. If he decided to do something he did it. Are you that way? Now, stop and really be honest. This is a very important question for us at this point in our discussion. Because, if you can’t stick to your guns so to speak, you’ll never carry out your plan as to live out your listed virtues. Don’t take offence to what I just said. If you don’t always finish what you start, then change your mindset right now and add resolution to your list of virtues. It is a great feeling of self pride to accomplish a set upon task.

One of my problems is I start several task at the same time. In doing so I find it difficult to finish any one of them. Ultimately, I get them all done, but it probably takes a little longer. I’m one of those people that get very board unless I am doing a hundred things at once. Example: while writing this book I am also finishing two screen plays and have started several others and I am thinking about starting a new one. God has blessed me with a very creative mind. I just wish He would have given me a little more of that so called one track mind.

I remember my first college degree. It was a four-year program and I finished in three years because I did not take any time off for summer. I went straight through. I wanted to get done. After graduation and working three jobs for several months I decided to go back to school for another degree. I completed my pre-med degree along with enough hours for a minor in chemistry and physics. I know you are probably saying, “This guy is nuts or a professional student.” No, I just get board easy and I love school. I love to learn all I can. My point is not to brag on my self, but to show you how resolve works. Don’t ever say I can’t do this or that.

Let me share with you my philosophy on time. Here it is. Time will continue to move forward at the same pace, no matter what you are doing. If you dig ditches for a living, which I have; one year will pass in one year and at the end of that year you will still be digging ditches. If you go to school and continue to dig ditches at the same time, then in one year you will be one year closer to a degree and not having to ever dig ditches again. Do you see what I mean? I see miserable people stuck in dead end, low paying jobs that they think they can’t get out of. They have resolved to stay ditch diggers. That is wrong thinking. Resolve to do more and be more and you will be. Remember that time will continue no matter what you are doing, so do something that will help you to enjoy that time a little better. Make resolve one of your virtues. It will help you get far.


CHAPTER 5
Frugality
fru•gal P Pronunciation Key (fr g l)
adj.
1. Practicing or marked by economy, as in the expenditure of money or the use of material resources. See Synonyms at sparing.
2. Costing little; inexpensive: a frugal lunch.

We, as Americans throw away more in a year than most people in other countries do in a lifetime. I recently returned from Honduras on a medical-dental-evangelical mission trip. Although most Hondurans are poor, they still have enough to make plenty of garbage. Garbage is a sign of wealth. Yes, it is. The more you have the more you wind up throwing away. In Zimbabwe there is no garbage because they have nothing.

But, here in America we are blessed beyond measure and we don’t even know it or appreciate it most of the time. In our public schools all left over food is thrown away. The rule that says throw food away while millions of people starve is a bad rule if you ask me. We are a “stuff” driven society. Work hard and obtain all the stuff you can; get in as deep in debt as you can, because this is the American way.

Stop for just a moment and take a mental inventory of how many garage sales you’ve had. Everything that you gave away was once something that you had to have. Now we give it away for pennies on a dollar. We waste everything, but the greatest thing we waste is not something we can buy or sell. It’s time. When we were children we wanted to grow up and be adults.

As adults we constantly wish for the future. When we are old we realize that time has slipped past us and we have nothing to show for it but a pocket full of regrets about how we wasted our time. I had an experience as a teenager that like most bad times I did not like. But, on reflection it has helped me to view the world a little differently. When I was in the tenth grade my parents moved away again. I had already been to four or five different high schools and now I had a good chance to get a scholarship; plus I had a girlfriend and the combination of the two overrode my brain. So, I refused to move with them. My stepfather whose job often required changing locations, said, “Let him make it on his own, if he can.” My mother had a fit, but I spent the next year on my own. I went to school all day, worked at a truck stop at night, stayed sick most of the time, starved half of the time, and lived in my car for part of the winter. Some of you might think how horrible that was. Well, my parents thought I was staying with a friend and I kept all of this hid from them. Even with all of this; I still graduated from school and received a scholarship to college. I learned a great deal about frugality. I think that even old Ben, no disrespect intended, would have been proud of how little I survived on.

Now that I make six figures, it seems we never have enough. Crazy, isn’t? My wife and I when first married lived on $800 a month. I guess we lived mostly on love. Now we make fifteen times that much and live most of the time from paycheck to paycheck. Again, we have so much that we also waste so much. God forgive us.

Now this part about doing good to others. It seems like I have heard that before. Oh yes, Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have then do undo you.” I believe this is called the Golden Rule. This, I think, is one of the hardest things for us as Americans to do. Why is this? Mostly, I think it is because we are so selfish. Every part of our society today teaches us to look out for number one. Get it first; be number one; be the best and get it and do it before someone else does.

Jesus instructed the disciples to prefer one another above themselves. He told them if they wanted to be the greatest, then they had to be a servant unto all. Wow! Ever heard that on a TV or radio talk show today? I want to harp on this because it is so significant. Some of the greatest persons, motivators, and speakers in the world today say, “help someone make it and you will succeed also.” This is true with life as well as with work. Because, if a man cares enough for another man’s success, not only will he strive to be better himself, but others will bless his efforts. Those he helps will return in kind. It is a win-win scenario. So find someone in need and help him or her succeed. Hey, I like that and yes, I just made it up.

Oh, yea, frugality. How does one become frugal? Well, it’s like anything else that requires discipline; it does not happen over night. Sometimes we must perfect or at least begin perfecting one virtue in our self before we can perfect another virtue. I think this is true in the present case. Also, this is why Mr. Franklin listed his virtues in the order he set them in. Go back to the preface and look at the list of virtues and see if you agree. I think you will and I hope this will help you in your endeavor to compile your own list of virtues. Okay, enough of that. Let’s go on to the next one.


CHAPTER 6
Industry
in•dus•try P Pronunciation Key ( n d -str )
n. pl. in•dus•tries
1. Energetic devotion to a task or an endeavor; diligence: demonstrated

“Lose no time; be always employed at something useful.” Uh, oh, this is a big one! We have already discussed the wasting of time in an average American day: Get up and go to work for eight hours. Good that is useful. Drive home; maybe stop by a bar or a pub, three hours gone. Go home, eat, and sit in front of the tube, blow out the one-eyed monster for 1-2 hours. Yell, “No, not now,” at the kids, I am busy.” Friends come over. Now, get cleaned up; yell at the kids to go to bed and pass out. One day gone. Weekend comes: Watch sports all day Saturday skip church because it is your day and you need the rest. One week gone. Repeat these 52 times, one-year gone. Get the idea.

No, I know this isn’t everyone, but it is the majority of us. The Bible tells us that our live is like a vapor. My analogy is spitting on a hot grill. It is here and then gone in an instant. That is it. I decided never to have my own easy chair. After work I go home; two to three nights per week I coach baseball and practice with my nine-year old son. Wednesday night is church with the youth to help and disciple the teenagers. Sunday is all day at church and church activities with the family. Little or no TV unless I am all alone, and I absolutely have nothing to do, which is almost never. I sometimes work seventy hours per week and take call every other weekend and most of the time every weekend. My wife also works and together we both take turns at doing all of the house cleaning, grocery buying, dish washing, clothes washing, and ironing for the kids and us. Oh, yea, don’t forget the science projects. On top of this, I get to speak at different events, preach, teach, and fix anything that breaks at home, etc.

My greatest joy is being with my children Holly who is fifteen and Michael who is nine. My wife and I both grew up without fathers and we vowed that our children would not be without theirs. Our children are and always will be a very important part of our life.

That brings up another thing. I have a saying, “Unless I am dead, I will be there.” If you tell or promise something especially to your children, you’d better keep it. I tell this to my pastor all the time. One day I forgot to make it to an appointment with him. He called around to find out if I had died, because I had always told him that if I am not there, then I am dead. Keep your promises.

I see healthy able-bodied people standing on street corners, drawing welfare, and it angers me. It seems that society awards laziness and slothfulness. It seems that those who study hard and work hard, the harder they work, the more the government wants to take from us and give to those who don’t do anything. It seems that if you do nothing, you still get paid for it. Crazy, but true. For me, I would rather work hard with the satisfaction of a little money that is earned than getting paid to be a bum. Sorry, but I am not a politically correct person. Nor am I tolerant to that which would take what I have worked so hard for and is given to someone who has the ability to work, but won’t. Don’t get me wrong. I am all for helping those who cannot work and those that are truly in need, but in this society it seems that a great deal of people have found out how to make a living off of doing nothing but mooching off the hard work of others.

Well, I guess if you are still reading this you might be a good person with good resolution. Keep it up man! I have been called a workaholic and may be that is true. My work ethics actually developed because of my early childhood family being relatively poor. I simply want my children to have it better than I did. I never want them to go to bed hungry as I did, or wear shoes with the soles coming apart and having to be taped together, or not get a present for Christmas.
I would like to insert a poem here that I wrote about work.
Before the light
Touches the ground
On the floor
My feet are found

Within this house
All else asleep
Unknown to them
The pain I keep



An unseen force
That drives my way
Work, Work, Work
No time for play

My memory reaches
Back to a place
My father worked
And kept the pace

Empty birthdays
Lonely days
Months, then years
All a haze

Christmas came
Christmas went
On each of us
Nothing spent

Sock and shoes
Tape did bind
Resentment built
Within my mind

As I grew
A drive instilled
Within my hart
Now is willed

Never to see
My children hurt
Or live like me
Feet on dirt

I stand up
My bones they creak
My back still sore
My muscles weak

Then back down
Upon my knees
Thank you God
And would you please

Bless this day
Make me strong
To give them all
My heart has longed

Through this house
I kiss each cheek
Bless them Lord
For they are meek

Into the light
On my lips a smirk
And as always
I go to work

I want their lives as children to be wonderful, magical, and special. Because, soon enough they will be adults and life as an adult is tough. Work hard; take pride in everything that you do, be thankful for your gifts and be ambitions. Use them to your utmost. Oh, one more thing. Use them for the good of others and for God and I guarantee that what you have will go further.

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