Encouragement

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Conflicting emotions

I don't want to go. I don't want to be left. I'm afraid it'll happen soon. I'm afraid it won't happen at all. I'm ready. I'm not ready. I don't like the alternatives..., go or stay, die or live,(live or die) heaven or hell. It's seems like a no brainer. Clouds and harps or fire and rap music. Going will be grand, staying will mean I missed the boat. I want to live till I'm 90. I don't want to live till I'm 90. That will mean he's tarrying. If I'm still alive at 90 will it cause me to doubt He's coming? Who'd want an old hag? I'm not a prize now. We're six years into the third millinium? We should be gone already.

It'll be a big lifestyle change, it'll be a change of lifestyle. I don't like changes. I haven't moved in 23 years because I like the status quo. Moving off this earth will be a huge change. I get lost crossing town. I get anxiety attacks when I get too far from the familiar. Maybe I need to buy a telescope to familiarize myself with space, think that will help? What if I take a left turn instead of a right turn at the wrong galaxy? What if I'm too slow to keep up? What kind of physical training prepares you for flying without a plane?

Will I be able to adapt? Will I have friends there? Will I recognize anyone if we're really given new bodies? (Calling dibs, I want Cindy Crawford's before it gets to used.) Everyone should like each other, but like me??? What will we talk about? What will we do? Will there be cliques? Pre Jesus, post Jesus, pre flood, post flood support groups?
I won't be able to bring anything. I hate not having books with me. I carry tons of reading material when I go to work how can I downsize my life to nothing? I can't live without my bible,it comes on every trip I take. I wonder if I'll be able to sneak that up with me? I can't prepare an overnight bag to bring with me, there won't be any night. What will I do without toothpaste,toothbrush, blush, lipstick, change of underwear, change for the vending machines?

Will I have time to feed the dogs, lock the house up, lock out the looters, turn off the gas, re-route my mail, cancel the paper, say bye to friends? Pull my car off to the side of the road to keep it from crashing? What if I'm taking a shower, will I get to grab a towel? Of course not. It'll happen so quickly I won't have time to make plans. I hate traveling without plans, reservations, maps. I'm not spontaneous. How will my pets fare if I can't leave their food out? How can I be expected to not care about their wellfare? How can He not care? All creation is groaning, waiting for it's redemption. Does that include the animals? Has He made loving preparations for them? I can't be happy up there if I know they are still waiting for me to come home, sitting at the window watching for my car to pull into the drive way. I'll have to get a pet sitter on standby to care for them after the rapture! Pay in advance.

It's been said that eye hasn't seen or ear heard or heart felt the joys we'll have but I'm used to things here. What will it be like to not cry, feel pain, worry? How will I get my way if I can't get teary-eyed sitting on God's lap, isn't that how daughters get things from their dad's? What does everlasting joy feel like? How can I be expected to change so fast? It's beyond the realm of experience.

There's still stuff I want to do. I want him to come quickly, I want him to take his time. I see the signs of change. I'm excited it's coming true, I'm scared it's coming true. Will I be hurt by famine, missiles, floods, earthquakes or will I be spared? The prophesies are being fulfilled. Death and destruction. If I was in the midst of a tragedy the decision will be easier. If I was homeless, starving or dying I'd be more excited. I'm always begging him to come when I'm hurting. When things are going well I'm content, I forget the misery. I'm human, fleshy, carnal,forgetful. The only concept I have of eternity is being put on hold when I call the doctor's office.
Joys and blessings beyond compare? What does that look like? I'm used to this world. I hate this world. Like a victim of abuse I'm not ready to leave. Are things getting worse just to get me ready? I love God. He loves me. He's not doing this to punish me. Can't he just take the evil off the globe and leave us here, on territory we're used to?

What's the good of having everything if everyone else has the same thing? He's giving me riches beyond compare and I want substandard. How can I be happy with a new mansion if everyone has a new mansion? Who can I brag to? Who wants to dress alike? I wear scrubs everyday, now I'm told we'll all wear white robes. Will I like my new robes? Will any one be able to say, "Hey, you look great!" We'll all have the same outfits.(at least one thing won't change!) We'll be like the quakers or amish. He won't play favorites, we'll all be identical.

We'll be like the angels (and shakers), not marrying or being given in marriage. Does that mean they're promiscuous playthings? Or completely celebate?

His ways are best, take me when you can, I'm yours! Don't give me a choice, except to love you and worship you as my King. Our life time isn't gauranteed. The time of our life is gauranteed. It'll be like the twinkling of an eye. Just a heartbeat and breath away. I won't be alone. I won't need counseling to adjust. We'll all worship God and sing praises, no one will tell me I'm off key. I won't have a choice but to go, because I made a confession of faith. That puts it all in his hands. I have to believe it'll be a fantastic trip, I just won't look down (we'll be falling "up".) He won't leave anything undone or unthought of. He's in control.

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