Healing
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HOUSE OF HEALING: WHERE AND WHEN TO BUILD
Luke 14: 28-30
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ (NIV)
If you’ve ever built a new home, or knew of someone that did, one of the first things you do in the process is decide where to build, and when. Choosing a piece of property for a long term commitment takes a lot of thought. There are many issues to consider, such as the type of neighborhood you desire, school districts, entertainment/shopping convenience, whether you want in town living vs. country living, etc. There are endless choices that can be a bit overwhelming at times! Not to mention the cost of certain properties vs. others.
Deciding when to build is a big decision. It needs to come at a time that is suitable to your income stability and affordability. Building before you are ready can do more harm than good! Building more than you can afford will create financial disaster! As well as put a strain on your marriage.
So it is in recovery. We need to take a look at where we are now, where we’d like to be down the road. We need to decide where and when we’re going to continue working on these various issues that continue to nip at our heels as a result of abusive actions taken against us. Timing is everything. Working on a certain issue too soon can cause emotional disaster, and can do more harm than good. When you are strong enough to face certain things relating to your situation, you’ll know it. And you’ll be ready to re-build that area of your life..
Let’s take a closer look at “when”. For me, my healing has come in stages….blocks of time where I focus on certain issues and move forward in overcoming each of them. I was in counseling for two years in the very beginning. I consider that “phase one” of my healing process.
In that period of time was a lot of education in what happens as a result of abuse, and learning to recognize and combat certain thoughts/feelings/behaviors that I developed. My abuse lasted 12 months. And there were a couple of single incidents before and after that. There was a lot to sort out!
As I move along I still recognize certain things I know I haven’t quite gotten a grip on yet, and I have sought professional advice periodically to help further my ability to overcome. It comes in spurts. But each time is easier because I have healed enough now that I don’t experience the intensity I did during the initial phase. What a praise! God is good. And He has continually been my stronghold in each area of healing! As He wants to be in yours….
“When” is also in God’s timing. Not ours. When you seek His will and His way you will be amazed at how the puzzle pieces all fit together when you look back and follow the “trail” of blessings! It wasn’t just by coincidence that I had a job at a mental health clinic to fall in my lap! In the seven years I worked there I was able to learn so much about abuse and what its affects can do. It was during that time that I finally faced what I experienced and knew I needed help to deal with it! I saw someone I worked with and trusted. Nothing is “coincidental” or “by chance” when it comes to God’s plan for my
life! It was time…His time.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)
There’ve been many unexpected blessings in my journey. Little boosts of encouragement along the way. And I continue to be amazed at how God works! Placing people and circumstances in my path that I totally didn’t expect…..Wow. And I always think…God’s timing is perfect! “He makes all things beautiful in His time.” That’s one of my favorite praise songs because I can relate to it so much!
“In His time, in His time…He makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord, please show me every day, as You’re teaching me Your way, that You do just what You say, in Your time.”
This song is based on a verse I’ve held close to my heart…
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (NIV)
He also wants to make these hurts turn into something beautiful for you. In His time. In His ways. Just seek His will and expect wondrous things to happen! He has purpose for you...
We’ve talked about when. Now let’s focus on where. We can see this as the different issues to focus on. Where do we try to re-build first? Don’t try to work on everything at once. You’ll get overwhelmed! Frustration creates the desire to quit and stay status quo.
At first it seems like there are so many things to change that you just don’t know where to start or what to do. Take a deep breath, and RELAX! Be patient! You don’t have to fix everything NOW. Your counselor can help you choose the most pressing issues to focus on at first. Depression may be your first priority. You may feel “rock bottom” at first. Sometimes it’s a crisis that initiates facing what happened and seeking help. I’ve been there! I’ve been at the bottom of that dark pit and I don’t ever want to go back!
I hit that crisis point and I cried all the time. I had nightmares. I didn’t like who I was, though I wasn’t doing anything not to like! I was married to a terrific man, and had two beautiful children, great in-laws…what could be better? Recovery…..and I knew I had to do something. That was my time and place to start building.
For me, I was in a very delicate time for several months. I saw my counselor three times a week! After I got through that initial period of telling what happened….and even remembering more details in the process….we started to focus on building my self esteem back up to a healthy level. I felt “nasty”…humiliated…beaten down….used.
Plus a lot more. Can you relate?
After I leveled out emotionally we cut back to once a week…then every two weeks….then once a month. I will always value what this person did for me in that two years! I grew as a wife, a mother…but most importantly I learned so much about me. Incredible.
So, “where” you build will change from time to time. You’ll be a construction worker who goes from room to room, building according to the need at that time! But…you have no time frame. You’re not on anyone’s deadline. Take the time you need to get the job done. And do it right! And remember…God is in control of this project!
Philippians 1:6
Now being confident of this, He that began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (NIV)
Lucy Cain
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I know it took a lot of courage for you to write this, and I hope my comment on Jesus building us a mansion does not distract from this wonderful testimony of yours. I was blessed in reading it, and my prayer is God will keep on counseling with you, and with me, as well. Thanks for sharing. Thomas
Very enlightening, indeed. I was thinking about what you said about choosing the neighborhood for building a house. When we chose the one we live in now, we selected a secluded spot, off away from the beaten path. Now we have neighbors building all around us. God has provided, though, for they are all wonderful people. Jesus is building us a mansion, and that neighborhood will never change. Everyone there will be wonderful people, wonderful because they have been transformed by the blood of the Lamb. Thanks for sharing. Thomas
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