Marriage

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Has your spouse cheated on you? Is your spouse a heavy drinker or alcoholic? I firmly believe that in most cases of a cheating spouse, adultery would not have happened were alcohol not involved. Alcoholism and adultery go together like bread and butter.

When an alcoholic drinks their mind becomes different in how it thinks and feels. The alcoholic mind blurs out personal ethics and values and only cares about feeding its desires and pleasures. It’s true; alcohol makes people selfish, especially those who cannot control their alcohol.

Eventually after a heavy night of partying the alcoholic becomes sober and has to deal with their wretched addiction. It is difficult to face yourself after a night of sexual promiscuity. Guilt and anxiety set in and the alcoholic needs to have another drink. This is the emotional part of the addiction and psychologically is why they drink again.

Alcohol is a deadly and malicious substance for the alcoholic, teenager, and addictive personality. It has ruined many relationships, marriages, families, communities and society in general. It has actually done more damage to people’s lives than the filthy cigarette ever could. Cigarettes don’t play with the mind like alcohol does.

The alcoholic when not drinking promises their spouse that he or she will never cheat again. They may even feel remorse for their sexual escapades afterwards and think they can keep their promise! But they can’t. What happens is they start drinking again and lose all inhibitions and they cheat again, or do other immoral things they normally would not do would they have been sober.

Once the alcoholic starts drinking there is nothing a spouse can do or say to make them stop. Sure, you can pour their bottle of booze down the sink, but what for? They’ll just go buy more. Alcoholics are sneaky and conniving when it comes to getting their booze. Where there is a will for alcohol, there is a sure fire way to get it, believe me!

You can scream, yell and nag at the alcoholic to stop drinking, but that won’t work either. What will work is to set boundaries for yourself. A very reasonable boundary in my opinion is to let your spouse know that if they continue to cheat on the marriage, then you cannot have sex with them. You certainly do not want to catch a venereal disease, or worse get AIDS or HIV? It is common sense that you could not and would not have sex with a person who is cheating on you.

Another good boundary is to not talk to the alcoholic when they are drinking. What for? Why talk to a person who is mentally impaired and unreasonable, it doesn’t make a bit of sense. Detach from the alcoholic, and when they are not drinking, offer you support and love.

A recovering alcoholic will be very sensitive to what other people say and do. It takes at least six months for the alcoholic to fully recover from their low self worth and guilt from all the damage they inflicted upon themselves and loved ones while drinking. After about six months the roller coaster ride begins to ebb down where the alcoholic learns, with the help of God, to understand how to deal with their difficult emotions. Addictions do not have to take control of our mind when we have accepted Gods plan into our lives.

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

I encourage all of you who are living with an alcoholic spouse to never give up hope that the alcoholic in your life will one day find sobriety. God is always there for us. All we need to do is be willing and ready to accept God’s help for us.

For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cries for help. Psalm 22:24
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Angie Lewis writes on subjects such as love, sex, and intimacy between couples. Her marriage books center on the biblical foundations that God outlines for couples to follow for an exceptional marriage. Angie writes numerous articles and e-books covering such issues as adultery, addictions, temptation, and forgiveness in marriage.

Check out Angie’s website for additional information about her books and online marriage ministry. http://www.heavenministries.com

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