Christian Living

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My oldest son asked me why I rarely remove my wedding and engagement rings.

“It took too long to get them,” I answered. “Now that they’re on my finger, they aren’t coming off.”

My husband, John, and I have known each other since high school and—not wanting to rush things—dated for 17 years. Okay, most of those years were a non-exclusive, just-friends relationship. It wasn’t until the last four of those 17 years that we were an official couple. John was a wonderful boyfriend, always supportive, remembering me with roses and patiently overcoming the impossible by teaching me to drive a five-speed.

But, God love the man, I didn’t think he’d ever pop the question.

Taking my frustrations to the Lord, I asked, “Just how far am I to go with this 'love is patient' thing? (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Women’s magazines offered endless advice on handling guys. Play it cool. Be subtle. Mystify him with mysterious moves.

Non-femme fatale that I was, cool, subtle and mysterious was as natural as walking on my hands. I wanted to get married and John knew it. Did I plant seeds? Let’s just say, if wedding cakes could grow, a 12-tier Italian Cream would have sprung up in John’s living room.

My boldness would’ve had most men escaping through a window, taking the screen with them as they hit the ground running. John, though, just grinned and said, “Baby, DON’T give up on me.”

In a way, trying to lead my man to the alter was like trying to lead some people to Christ. No matter what tactic we employ, the mule won’t budge.

I once heard someone speak about her mission to lead a friend to Christ. After weeks of trying to accomplish this, her friend ordered, “BACK OFF! I’m sick of feeling like your project!”

In the midst of good intentions, this woman lost sight of the relationship that already existed with her friend. The same thing almost happened to me, when I became so fixed on my and John’s future that I stopped nurturing the present.

In Answers to Life Problems, Billy Graham says, “Christianity is an involvement of the will, and no one can be coerced into becoming a Christian.” 1

Many attest to that, knowing and loving someone who won’t repent. They’ve heard the gospel, the way of salvation and the wages of sin. They’ve been witnessed to, heard testimonies and seen faith at work. They’ve been given books that address their questions, and invited to fellowship.

And still…no repentance.

How do we deal with these stubborn mules? Call them the dust at our feet? In Matthew 10:14, Jesus said, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town.” Through this, we learn that we’re to keep moving as witnesses, and not expend all our energy on steely hearts.

This doesn’t mean we glare at our unsaved cousin and huff, “Fine! Send yourself to hell—see if I care!”

We care, deeply, and that’s why imagining Heaven without these people brings us to our knees—which is where we should be, praying for everyone because “this is good, and pleases God our savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2: 3-4) Let us pray for their conviction and enlightment, as well as wisdom in how the Lord wants to use us, making sure that we’re Spirit led instead of working our own agenda.2

Realizing that we aren’t the God Squad of judgment and condemnation, let’s take care of the relationships we have with people, focusing on the positive elements and common ground, submitting to God’s lead and letting the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) be our witness. (Galatians 5:22)

There were moments when I thought John might remain “The Bachelor”, but then something happened at a Chinese restaurant overlooking the San Francisco Bay, its turquoise water home to yachts bobbing in the tangerine glow of the setting sun. It was an unforgettable setting for a girl who snapped open her fortune cookie and read:

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Alas, John finally popped the question and it was worth the wait, not because of the romantic proposal, but because God had brought John to the point he needed to be at—truly ready to get married, his heart and mind 100 percent committed to this life change.

I’m glad I didn’t give up him!


1 Answers to Life’s Problems, Billy Graham, page 69
2 Acts 2:37, Acts 26:18, 2 Corinthians 3: 4-6

©Donna G. Morton, June 2006

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