Christian Living

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We live right now in a loneliness-producing world.

Computer technology, urbanization, mobility, and other rapid changes in our society tend to stimulate loneliness. Even within our families, churches, and schools, people may avoid each other.

In an effort to escape loneliness, some people give themselves wildly into intimacy with strangers. I remember a friend of mine back in college who got so lonely that he went to a bar to look for sex. And he did succeed in getting a casual sexual partner. According to him, he shared openly all his feelings and thoughts with the girl inside the room. After their time together, he left but he still felt as lonely as ever.

In a book he wrote, Ralph Keyes tells us that all of us have a built-in need for community with others. But, according to him, there are also three things that we want more in our present-day life -- privacy, convenience, and freedom to move. Unfortunately, these three things are ones that strongly discourage intimacy.

Given these dehumanizing conditions of our modern day world, is it really possible to prevent loneliness by being close to other people? My answer is YES. But I qualify by saying that you can get close to only a few people given our human limitations. When you make up your mind for that, you therefore must give the time and effort needed to build friendships.

I read somewhere a book that says, "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." It's true, the reason why we get lonely at times is because we keep other people out! You may not find it surprising that many lonely people have wounds inside or tend to look down on themselves. As a result, there is pain, fear, and insecurity of contact with others.

The experts have several suggestions for us to cope with this, like: get busy with activities, serve people who are in crisis or need, join a church or volunteer group, see a counselor, learn to communcate well, among others. These are helpful tips as long as you recognize that there is something at a deeper level that would produce more lasting solutions.

Human companionship is not the only solution to loneliness. In fact, there are some who remain lonely even amid a lot of friends. A Christian psychologist once pointed out that loneliness never disappears completely until an individual is introduced to a personal relationship with Christ. Human togetherness in itself will not give a permanent solution to the loneliness experience. You need to develop intimacy with God.

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