Marriage

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By
Ray Hoover


It was a cool, crisp day in winter. This particular day was going to be different than all the other days in my life. It was a good different because I was getting married. I had a steady job with good benefits. I had learned how to be responsible. Everything appeared to be just right.

I did have some nagging thoughts though. The phrase “and they lived happily ever after” just seemed like a myth to me. It seemed like every generation on my side of the family was doomed to get a divorce. My fiancé’s side of the family was rock solid. They had a history of longevity in marriages.

I was scared. I thought, “Was my marriage going to stay together or not”. The years before I got married I had observed the marriages of other people. I saw what made marriages work and also saw what caused trouble in the marriage. So I decided the divorces on my side of the family was going to stop with me.

I chose to work at my marriage. My fiancé had also chosen to work at our marriage. She had seen how divorce affected people. So she wanted to avoid it at all costs. This created a healthful environment for our marriage.

Divorce is not and never will be an option for us. We work on our problems together. It is amazing how much easier it is to solve our problems when we share our burdens with each other. In the year 2006 we had our 27th Wedding Anniversary.

Both of us had grown up as Christians. So we realized the importance of keeping our lives committed to Christ. And it is also very important to us to keep Christ at the center of our marriage. This means that we cannot allow ourselves to be selfish. This fact is an important building block and the foundation of our marriage.

My wife is a pastor’s daughter. Her family has been married for over 50 years. So she wanted to incorporate a scripture into our marriage. Her scripture was Ephesians 4:26. This scripture talks about not letting the sun go down on your wrath.

I remember several years when we had an argument about something that she would not allow me to go to sleep until we had come to a peaceful resolution. There were many times that I was angry with her because she did not let me go to sleep. After all, I had to go to work the next morning. But I knew in my heart that remaining in anger would not be good.

I also had incorporated some scripture to our marriage. The first scripture is Mark 10:5. This scripture says that Moses allowed people to get a divorce because of the hardness of their heart. The second scripture is Hebrews 3:13. This scripture says that our hearts are hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. When I got mad at my wife for keeping me up I knew I was committing sin. And if I did not remove the sin immediately it would have began hardening my heart. And according to Mark 10:5 this action would eventually lead to getting a divorce. I had already decided that divorce was going to stop with me. I can stand strong in this decision because Jesus Christ gives me the strength.

But what about my right to go to sleep when my wife kept me awake? I am realizing that every time I want to push the “rights issue” that pride is at the root of this. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6) I don’t want to put myself into a position that God is resisting me. So I humbled myself and talked with my wife until we came to a peaceful resolution.

Holding that anger in my heart without resolving it would have been the same as allowing a root of bitterness to spring up in my heart. The “root of bitterness” will cause you trouble and many even become defiled because of it. (Hebrews 12:15)

Does this mean that everything has been “smooth sailing” in our marriage? We still face the same problems and struggles that life brings our way. But we do not face relationship problems because we are committed to one another. The Bible talks about a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12) It is not only important that you are committed to each other but it is vitally important that you both are committed to our Lord Jesus Christ.

Here is an example of how God can help your marriage go through the storms of life. After a few years of marriage my wife was expecting our second child. My “steady” employment was suddenly closing their door. The insurance would no longer cover the birth of the baby. This could have caused problems in our marriage.

Instead of panicking we turned to prayer to ask God for help in this situation. My wife heard about a government program that would financially help people that found themselves suddenly unemployed with a baby on the way. Also, before the door closed at my job, my boss told me about an opening at a place across town that was in the same line of work. He also gave me a good reference. So one week later I was employed again.

Since my wife was already pregnant when I started the job the insurance would not cover any expenses of the birth. We are very thankful for that government program that helped us to financially cover the expenses of the birth.

I want leave you with one last thought. When Jesus asked the disciples who they said that he was, Peter answered and said, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God”. I want to focus on the word “living” in Peter’s statement. He is the living God. That means that when we decide to walk with God it is very much like we are walking through the neighborhood with our very best friend.

What do you and your friend do when you are walking with each other through the park, neighborhood, or any where else? You talk about things and sometimes share details with each other. God is living. He can talk to you and help you in any situation you face. O, hear what the Spirit is saying to us. God loves us and He wants a personal, intimate relationship with us.

In John 17:3 Jesus said, “And this is eternal life, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent”. These words that Jesus spoke clearly tell us what eternal life is. Eternal life is knowing God. It is not having a knowledge of God or having a mind full of facts about God.

In the book of Acts, the 19th chapter, there is a story of some men that tried to cast an evil spirit out of a man. These men said, “We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth”. These men just had a knowledge of what they had heard. The result was that the man in whom the evil spirit was attacked these men and beat them up.

So I implore you to develop a personal, intimate relationship with the Lord if you have not already done so. I also strongly encourage you to get rid of all weights and the sin (pride) that keeps us from running the race that God has set before us. May your heart yearn for that relationship with God just as a deer longs for a drink of water when he is thirsty.

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