Short Stories

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Timeshare Souls

“How much is that one? I mean I’m not really looking to buy, I was just curious.”
“Oh, my good man, these are not for sale. They are, how shall we say, um, timeshare, that’s it, timeshare only here.”
“Timeshare? I’m not sure I’m following you.”
“Good fellow” The amused merchant began, “Loans, that’s how I deal, I loan them out on contract. You tell me what your intentions are for them and if your reasons for having them also coincide with the furtherance of my endeavors, and then we write up a contract. Do you understand?”
The sulfuric breath of the merchant moved the inquiring customer back. He covered his nose with a sleeve. His eyes misting.
The merchant smiled, not wanting to spoil a transaction he overlooked the offense of common courtesy. He was here for profit, not friends. The pretense was a ploy.
“Now tell me, friend, what is it you are looking for?” The merchant masked his growing impatience and disgust with the hesitancy of the man to strike a deal.

“Allow me, my good man, this one here,” He pointed a crooked finger “She’s been one of my best items. Divorced three times and still eager for love, so she has an intense disdain for rejection and will stay in the worst of relationships living in her miserable hope that one day she’ll be loved. She will not be herself, so she is very pliable and will allow ignoble acts on her person that nearly defy description. She seldom complains and never demands that she be treated better. The three customers before you got her in pretty good shape. She will do anything you ask of her because she is dreadfully fearful of loneliness. Shall I go on?”
“No, she’s not really what I’m looking for. Bear with me a moment. Didn’t you say that they had to also coincide with your endeavors? How does that work? A valid question to have asked seeing the price was exorbitant.

“She has three kids, you see” The merchant motioned toward the woman “And she’s got this awful desire to be in religious settings and if you ask me she reads entirely too much. But I have learned how to use such idle silliness. Once you’ve been in business as long as I have you learn how to use the seemingly innocent things they do as a means to, um, not to put too fine a point on it, expand ones’ vision.”
“I’m sorry, I still don’t see what you’re getting at.” He offered nervously. The merchant didn’t seem like one to trifle with and he was clearly not going to settle for less than the asking price and for the intended use of the timeshares he held.

“What could be better? Don’t you see” A drop of sweat fell from his eager lips as he continued his sales pitch, “You can do as you please with her but you may not under any circumstances keep her from her religious gatherings or her reading. Such things are very useful to me in my business because, you see, I intend to market her kids at a more opportune time.”
“I’m listening”
“There will come a day when those three precious souls will look for love too. They have had several years of seeing it is not reasonable to expect it, nonetheless they will seek it out. My entrepreneurial sense tells me that just in that one family alone I can realize a fourfold increase in marketable commodities”
“But why the stipulation on her attending church and her reading?” He asked, thoroughly confused.
The merchant winced at the use of the word.
“Ah, that’s the beauty of it. Instead of only one looking for love and not finding it I’ll have four. Her despicable penchant for religious nonsense will fortify in those children’s minds just how ridiculous it is to even give a notion to being loved. Especially when they learn from her. As they have watched her searching for something that obviously does not exist. Don’t you suppose that if she knew what love was, really, she wouldn’t be here?”

“Okay, never mind that one. Over here is my all time best timeshare.” His laugh sent chills up the seekers spine.
“This family is in demand and are very profitable to me in, perhaps, more ways than I can really say. They love one another. The husband and wife have never had an argument, oh a disappointment or two perhaps, but they also display an affection for each other that is effective. The two children adore them and because of the way Dad and Mom are to one another, the children would never impugn their integrity.” The now chortling merchant plied his favorite wares.
“Wait, now you’ve got me totally confused. That woman over there is useful because she looks for love but doesn’t find it. Yet you say that this family is a desirable asset because they DO love. I don’t get it.” The contradiction captivated the seekers attention as he waited for what had better be a believable explanation.

“The woman over there, like this family here have one characteristic they share and that is their interest in things that are spiritual in nature. The woman is a good timeshare property because she reads her bible but doesn’t know the author. He is my competition and He is the reason I’m adamant about timesharing and only by contract. Whereas this family here reads the same wretched literature. The difference is that they believe things about the author that simply are not true. The result of that is the propagation of a business like mine without the expense of advertising. It’s low investment/high yield as far as time and eternity are concerned. They are useful to me because they exhibit a semblance of love. You didn’t ask me, but I’ll tell you just the same, that love talk is highly overrated anyway. Life is too fun to waste on pursuits as trivial as love. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Well, yes” The seeker replied, “That why I’m here.”
Another customer interrupted “Excuse me. But I’m looking for a man that is delusional. He thinks there is such a thing as love but can’t quite bring himself to believe that it is not available any more. He would be useful to me in that way because if he’s almost given up on love I can probably put him to good service. Have anything like that?” The woman asked.
“Mommy! Can we go home now?” One of the three children begged.
“How about this timeshare right here?” Pointing to the seeker.

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