Humor
Nothing peculiar about that number, nothing extraordinary. Just a number. Could be my house number, could be how much money’s in my wallet or the amount of change in my pocket. No, none of those. Unfortunately it’s my age. What is so unfortunate about 47 you ask?
It’s old to me. Its almost 50, it’s the downhill slide, dusk, twilight, the end of an era. Half a friggin century.
It’s a number that has a gravitational pull that causes you to look at the Obits in the paper and then feel a sense of accomplishment when someone under 47 has passed or a terrible sense of dread at someone who has passed at 48.
It causes you to reconsider the pick-up game, a bone jarring slide into 2nd or that Cranium size Burrito at 11pm.
It forces you embrace the slab at your midsection, the crows feet at your eyes and the unceasing flatulence from the glass of water that you just consumed.
It stares back at you from recent pictures that you thought were of your Father but upon closer examination, its just 47 again. Mocking you with cold regret for all the time you have wasted.
It makes you write checks for drugs you can’t pronounce with side effects that become comedic fodder for some club hopping troubadour.
It changes your priorities with absolutely no consideration at all for your opinion. It makes you drive slower, hold reading material further and further away and arouses an unhealthy interest in the History channel. It will change your needs with never a notice. One moment you’re perusing the tech department of a major electronic chain and the next salivating over a really nice ink pen.
Making good time becomes an obsession; the ability to hear noises from your car that NASA Scientists cannot detect is something to look forward to as well.
Hair, do I dare mention hair? Teeth? A sense of humor? At this point in my life I feel that I have won that battle. I still have all three even though my Father lost them all before he was 24.
Suddenly old Saturday Night Live skits like, “Ooops I Crapped My Pants” are not so funny anymore.
The maniacal pursuit for DeLeon’s Fountain, breeds a plethora of verbose canards with bathtub elixirs, that charm the sagging aged like rats chasing the Pied Piper
We pull, We tuck, We bake, We suck, We rub, We shuck, We inject, We cut.
We lament and wail, walking backwards to the grave
Aching for the brief lie of youth perpetrated on us by soulless cloud merchants who worship at the altars of avarice.
And we miss the exultation of life dancing around us,
like a child
There is an old saying: Wisdom comes with age? Afraid not, Most of the time Age shows up all by itself.
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