Prayers

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Sometimes I just sit and wonder, I wonder about who I am...

I try but I fail, I reach the top but fall so low. Will I ever be good enough? For a smile, a laugh... for your proud eyes. To be honest with myself, I'm tired of these emotions... these feelings. Everything close to my heart is striped away, leaving me motionless. My wounds are open for more attack... I fake my smile as these tears of shame roll of my face. How do I overcome this? What kind of man am I? That you would fight for my soul, that you would suffar such pain, that you would let 9 inch nails dig through your skin, that you would take it apon yourself to take away the sin of the world, that you could stand up proudly in front of our Father for men such as I? I hurt you, I yell at you, I cuss at you... I scorn you. But you stand there just smiling with tears rolling off your face... the same as mine. You call me to your arms, Lord! How I long for those scarred arms! How I long for peace... I long for love! You never said the Christian walk would be easy, but the end results are worth the pain and the anger I face now.

Waking sometimes I just... I hurt. I need relief from my dreams... from this false reality. This is happening for a reason, just help me to understand. Help me to know that I am a good person... one you could look with favor apon.

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