Faith
12Dec05
Where's my mustard seed when I need it?
For those who wish to live the wild life of travelling, new scenes all the time, care free living, it's much harder than it looks!
I'm about to finish the year with my fourth job of the year. I'm constantly going through what I feel is not right. I've been lead from a good paying job to a very slow fitness sales job that is putting me under as far as finances and depressions go. Oh, depression is tough, but I have to know that God puts me through it for a reason. I may have one more stop selling mini-bikes, which I am passionate about, before I get back to sea. I'm trying to land a job as deckhand or seaman on a transport vessel, crew boat, or even a rig. It's been a long road in a short time since I've left the Coast Guard.
I have no money to do the racing ministries that I signed up for. I feel as if my dreams are as far away as they ever were. I can't even afford gas to get to work, but I have a nice car that I can't sell, and I can't pay my bills at all! I feel as a burden to my dad and my best friend since they give me money now and then. I really don't like going grocery shopping because I can't get anything but oatmeal. (FYI oatmeal is much better for you than Ramen noodles, cost about the same, and lasts longer!) It's really hard for me to go out this time of year because I see all the couples everywhere I go, and it always makes me think of when I had a girl. That literally gets me sick to my stomach because I miss that feeling of being wanted. Nobody would blame me for being depressed and giving up.
This is the moutain that God will move.
I know without a doubt that He will move me from this position. God has something for me to do, but no way was I going to be able to carry out his plan the way I was. I wasn't bad or anything, but He saw that I needed to be broken down and rebuilt. This is the 2nd time that I've gone through this! First time was boot camp!
In my life it's pitch black night, but the dawn is about to shine through!
I'm not complaining, but I'm sharing what's going on to show others that they're not alone! If Paul can be content in jail, I am not going to complain! Don't confuse complaining with sharing, though! It's better to light a candle than to curse the dark.
Oh, and everyone's getting candy canes for Christmas this year! That's it! Email me and you'll get one too!!!
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