Humor

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There is nothing more satisfying than a good session of worrying. Yes, I said worrying. Nothing is more delectable than getting into a good stew.

The reason worrying has received such a bad rap is that too many amateurs get involved. Believe me, true worrying is nothing to fool around with. It’s only for those who have achieved some semblance of expertise. It takes years of diligent practice to arrive at a level of accomplishment that few people reach.

Through the years, I have found that my expertise in the fine art of worrying has benefited me. I must admit I have worried from time to time that I did not have enough experience for the really big things.

I know what some people say about this. I have heard it all my life. They tell me that 90 percent of what I worry about never happens. This has never upset me because my worrying was responsible for that 90 percent not happening. I can hardly imagine what life would have been like had I not worried some of those things away.

Then others will quote an old proverb, “worry is the interest we pay on trouble before it is due.” This was of interest to me. I hate to procrastinate and like getting a good start on things. By worrying, I am ahead of the game.

When other people are busy reading or working, I am using my time constructively by worrying about something.

When I can’t sleep at night, instead of tossing and turning like many folks do, I spend the time worrying about something. There is always something to worry about. If I cannot think of something, I can always worry about that.

Some count sheep; I worry if they are feeding the sheep enough and how their wool is coming this year and how much the shepherd will get for their wool.

This art of worrying has been a great thing for me.

For example, when I am at the airport I worry n a lot. I look around and see so many people reading a book or working on laptop computers or talking on their cell phones. What a waste of good worry time.

I cannot believe all this waste. My mother used to tell me, “waste not want not.” I have always worried what she really meant by that. Did she think I was wasting something and, if so, what? Why do mothers say things that do not make any sense?

Most people at the airport do not know what they are missing. Many has been the time I have sat at the airport enjoying several hours of quality worry time. Just thinking about it makes me worry if I got in enough time for worrying, or if I missed anything deserving a good worry.

The first thing I see when I walk into an airport is a big sign that says, “Terminal.” That sign alone is good for two hours of hard worrying. What does it mean? And how does it affect me? Does it mean that I have come to the end? Will I ever return?

Each time I go to the airport I find new levels about that sign to engage in worry. A novice would not know what to worry about or where to begin.

Another excellent place to worry is the doctor’s office. One reason is the amount time spent in the office. If I have a 9 a.m. appointment, I know I have at least two hours to kill.

Instead of wasting this time, I use it to catch up on my worry time. With most magazines at the doctor’s office at least two years old, I always have a bag full of things to worry about.

For example, if the subscription has run out, does that mean the doctor cannot afford to renew his subscription? Is the doctor’s practice suffering financially? If it is, why?

Perhaps the doctor is spending too much money. Maybe he is in debt and will try to find things wrong with me just so he can do more and get more money. How can I trust a doctor like that?

I recently discovered a brand new arena to conqueror with worry. I do not know how I could have overlooked this extremely crucial area, but don’t worry (unless you really want to); I will make up for lost time.

My reference, of course, is to restaurants. It worries me how I could have overlooked this opportunity. What other areas am I overlooking now?

The thing that made me aware of this new worry was a television report. Television is an absolute must for those who take their worrying seriously.

A program reported on some nasty things done at some restaurants. This opened a whole new world to worry about. I lost no time and the first opportunity I had, I visited a restaurant. I must say, my adrenalin was high. There is nothing like a new adventure to get the old blood dancing through the veins.

I was worried that, in my excitement, I would miss something. It is a terrible thing to start something new like this and not know all of the rules. I am a quick learner but I was a little worried that I would miss something crucial at first.

I have eaten in restaurants all of my adult life and that worried me. How much have I missed already? I was so worried about this that I could not order. This worried me. How long will this last? And will I ever be able to eat in a restaurant again? Do I really want to?

There is another side to all this. I can keep on worrying, or I can start practicing a life of prayer. The Bible tries to dispel my worrying. “Fret not thyself because of evil men, neither be thou envious at the wicked.” (Proverbs 24:19 KJV.)

The Bible also encourages me to develop a life of prayer. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” (Philippians 4:6 KJV.)

I can either worry or trust. I cannot do both.

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