Grief

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In the Midst of Grief
By: Charlette Payne


Dealing with grief after the loss of a loved one is difficult for anyone whether saved or unsaved. However, as a Christian everyone expects you to go through the process easier. Some even believe that we shouldn’t really grieve too much especially if the loved one has gone on to be with the Lord. They believe we should have the peace of God to see us through this time. I disagree a little. No matter how strong or weak your faith is in God, there is still a process of grieving which must take place. If you don’t go through this process, you won’t receive the healing in your heart and emotions needed to go on with your life. Praise God that the Holy Spirit is with you comforting, guiding and supporting you throughout the process but nevertheless, you must go through it.

I am currently going through my grieving process. I couldn’t tell you how far along I am because I’ve never experienced this level of grief before in my life. My mother died suddenly after years of battling diabetes, multi schlerosis, and a heart condition that left her heart functioning only at 30 %. Although she had been struggling with these ailments for years, when she died she was doing very well. It had been years since she was strong enough to even perform normal day-to-day routine chores such as cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. Mommy had been doing all these things prior to her death. That’s why I said her death occurred suddenly.

When Mommy died I was devastated and numb for a while. Once the numbness started wearing off this pain gradually came in its place. A pain I had never experienced before. It felt it all throughout my spirit, soul, mind, and body. On top of that there were these clouds handing over me trying to overtake me. Instead of just hanging over my head, this cloud desired to become a fog – a cloud on the ground. I heard the Lord saying that the clouds were the spirits of grief and depression. Every morning when I woke up they were there and they followed me all throughout my day. I praise God for the relationship I have with Him and for how He’s fortified my spiritual man. If it had not been for those two things I would have been overtaken by grief and depression. In addition to those things I had the love, support, and prayers of my church family holding me up then and even now. I can’t say enough about them. They were there physically making sure me and my family were okay, I was bombarded with telephone calls and prayers of comfort. Their love was the sunshine that drove away those dark clouds.

Mommy died on a Tuesday morning, her funeral was that following Monday. The Sunday before the funeral I went to church. Not because I wanted to but I knew I needed to. I was so sad all I wanted to do was stay home and sleep. I knew I had to go though. During this time my spirit man was in control. It seemed to me that my mind and body were not connecting, but the Spirit drove every part of my being. That is the only reason why I could go on. So these clouds and I went to service. At first I was just sitting there not feeling what was going on and not participating in worship. Then the choir began singing a song saying God was mighty. I listened to them then something inside of me stood up and said He is a mighty God. Then the church went off worshiping, shouting and praising the true and living God. I head the Lord say; I dare you to praise Me. I said I don’t feel like praising You. He said it again; I dare you to praise Me. The next thing I knew my body broke out into praise and it didn’t stop until I was completely out of breath. I sat down and just started crying and moaning for my Mommy. Some how through blinding tears I made my way out of the row I was sitting in and down the aisle stumbling all along the way. I got to the back of the church still crying. Then I got overwhelmed with tears and tried to leave the church service so I wouldn’t totally disrupt it. I walked through the doors and landed on the foyer floor in a balled up heap of tears. My sister, one of the ministers, and a deacon came out into the foyer and began praying and comforting me during this rough time. The most awesome thing about it was that they let me cry it out and didn’t rush me through it or try to make me get up. I appreciated that because I really needed the time to grieve right then and there.

If I could offer advice to someone going through this grieving process, I would say these things:

1) Don’t stop talking to God about your feeling. This will help you understand what is going on inside of you.
2) As soon as you get it together even a little bit, resume as much of your normal schedule as possible. This will help to keep you from spending too much time missing your loved one.
3) Talk about and remember the good times you shared with your loved one. It will help you remember their life more so than their death.
4) The most important thing is to give yourself time to cry and give the Comforter the space He needs to heal you.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I’m still going through my process but I know I’m making progress because those two clouds have been chased away. That’s not to say that everyday is easy, its not. Everyday is a different day and everyday is a struggle in itself to keep moving forward. The degree of struggle varies but nonetheless, its still a struggle. One that I know I will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony. Words like these that are helping me in the midst of my grief.

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