Humor

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FRIEND OR FOE?



There’s a dreadful contraption on my husband’s desk that consumes much of his time and energy. He’s tried to introduce me to it through a Window, but a major flaw in my psyche prevents a close bond. Mere verbal input doesn’t penetrate my skull as effectively as visual input does, so Dear Hubby finally stopped the “Do this, then this, then this” format of instruction. He wrote step by step data for me to pursue and unravel the complex code of sending E-mail to family and friends. Step one was “Turn computer on by pushing power strip button beside the screen.” Funny guy. Ha ha.
The first disaster occurred when Step 8 instructed me to “log into buddy list.” I tapped the screen, searched hard and long and even smiled at the window nicely, but I could find no button that read “log in.” I tried “Enter” but the disrespectful screen had the nerve to assume I needed its help. Not anywhere did it tell me how to remove the insulting square of white that hid the buddy list and everything else from my view. Even the Windows for Idiots book expected me to have SOME element of computer savvy, so I was further offended.
I have ways of dealing with unfriendly gray boxes or salesmen at the door. I politely but firmly say “no thanks.” Apparently though, shutting the thing off was wrong to do. Dear Hubby had a fit when he tried to use the box that night. I heard the yelp, “What did you do?” I told him that his program did NOT do what he said it would do, so I politely shut the door in its face---no rage, just “buh-bye…you’re history.”
Hubby showed me the sarcastic remark on the screen about my “not doing things properly.” How dare the gray box call me “improper!” I’m sure the thing hates me. Or at least it seems to have a mind of its own. I guess it didn’t appreciate my attempt to communicate with it in Hubby’s language. And, he sure wasn’t pleased to have to watch some yellow bar at the bottom of the screen slowly snail its way to the right, leaving a long black tail in its wake.
Eventually, after months of hassle, scoldings and step-revisions, I learned to send and receive short E-correspondence. But, then my husband decided to “upgrade” or “add room” (rum? rom?---something like that…) The next instruction was only eleven steps, so Data Instruction One with its fifteen steps became obsolete. I cried when it was discarded.
Unfortunately, I found new ways to screw up Hubby’s system but not one was deliberate. Honest! He simplified it even more but neglected to record that fact on my sacred Step By Step Sheet. So terrible things happened. The resultant crash was not my throwing the box through the window (although it certainly was tempting.)
Two hundred bucks cleared up the mess and I was given a new ten-step system. However, one time, by accidentally bumping a wrong button, an entire paragraph disappeared into oblivion. I still don't know how to make the box give it back to me, either!
I’m absolutely certain the thing gleams with sinister joy to see me coming. Only supersonic hearing could prove my theory that there’s actually a chortle somewhere in its depth as it diabolically attempts to destroy me mentally. Don’t tell me it’s not alive! I know better. Microscopic creatures are in there opposing whatever careful instructions Dear Hubby puts on paper for me to follow. It’s happened too often for me to not be right about this!
Last week some paper clip with over sized eyeballs raised its bushy black brows in disgust, shrugged its bony shoulders in pity and actually winked sarcastically at me before it disappeared. Outrageous! Insulting! If it was one of Hubby’s tiny friends, I hope it doesn’t tattle that I cancelled its offer of help. I don’t need too many enemies connected to that horrid gray box!
I’m so glad God loves me and doesn’t fuss when I don’t do things properly. I’m so glad He doesn’t change the way we bring Him into focus. He made it so simple. Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path” is pretty darn clear. You push the Trust button and just do it. Don’t push the Lean Not button or there will be a fatal error. If you push the In All button and simply DO acknowledge Him, you don’t even have to push any more buttons. The HE SHALL will appear on the screen where He has been all along, ready to direct your path or display further data (which He often does through anointed pastors you sit under, as well as God-inspired books and magazines that Spirit-filled men and women pen.)
The only absolute way you can KNOW what’s good material to read or hear is to be in constant communication with Him. Meet Him in the morning before the day starts. If you work at home, let Christian radio be a background reminder. Or better yet, play some praise music that softly infiltrates your subconscious as you work. If you work outside the home, meet Him again at break. Amazing strength can come when you take a few minutes by yourself to share your joys or needs with Him. (There are bathrooms where you work, aren’t there? He doesn’t care where you go to seek His love.) He simply longs for our intimacy. It’s mandatory for spiritual growth!
If I had an intimate desire to KNOW that gray box in my husband’s office, perhaps I’d be better friends with it. Maybe. Right now I’m dealing with betrayal and rejection. It does NOT have my best interest at heart like my Father in Heaven does. And that’s data you can log into!

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