Prayers

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Sometimes (like today for example) I want to give up. Sometimes I just want to lay down and not get up, rolling with the punches is alot harder the second time around.

It seems to be that 9 times out of ten I wake up and ask myself..."what the crap am I doing?" I think I'm doing what you want me to be doing, but it blows up in my face. "For their to be 100% Holy Spirit in my life, their needs to be 0% of me" Very true, very hard for me to realize. Depression and anxiety wrap their greedy little hands around my heart and squeeze ever so tight, so that my mind forgets of where I'm heading and thinks upon the fall down instead. "Why? Why oh Lord can't I just give up? I'm of no use to you! You know what I am! You see right through me, you know where I came from, you know what sin I've rolled around in! Why? why oh why Lord won't you give up on me?" That love that flows, that grace that smoothes away troubles... why do you give that to me? Of all people I should be the last in line for such a feast! My ticket says first and I deserve none... My deal was death but you pleaded my case.... "I was getting used to my chains... but you showed me a better way..."

Sometimes (like today of all days) I remember how small I truly am. Sometimes I just lay my head back down and lift my hands... and I remember who is really in charge.

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