Short Dramas and Plays

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RADIO NEWS ROMANTICS

TED (News anchor)
RICHARD (News anchor)
KAREN (Field Reporter)
JAMIE (Script Girl)
HAL (Sports Guy)


KAREN:
And so, Ted, it looks like there’s going to be a clean-up here all night and into the morning.

TED:
Thanks, Karen. That was a very meaningful report.

KAREN:
You’re welcome, Ted. Back to you, Richard.

RICHARD:
In other news tonight--

TED:
Really meant a lot to me, that’s for sure.

KAREN:
Well, it’s my job, Ted.

RICHARD:
Yes, thank you, Karen. In other news, Oregon’s latest --

TED:
And you really do a good job of it.

KAREN:
Why, thank you Ted.

TED:
Probably the best I’ve ever heard.

KAREN:
Now, you’re just saying that…

RICHARD:
In other news…

TED:
And your voice is sooooo, reporter-like.

KAREN: (giggles)
Oh Ted! Stop it.

RICHARD: (coldly)
Thank you Karen, Ted—

TED:
Say, I was wondering if you want to…I don’t know, go for some coffee or something sometime…

KAREN:
Oh!

RICHARD: (quickly)
Moving on to our next news update --

TED:
I’ve always wondered if you and I had a chance together—

KAREN:
Ted, I never knew…

RICHARD:
Two people were shot and killed, and another injured--

TED:
Well, maybe you just didn’t notice my attention--

RICHARD:
In an attempted convenience store holdup gone bad—

TED:
An interoffice memo here, the special lilt in my voice whenever I introduced you on the air…

RICHARD:
In an attempted convenience store holdup gone bad—

KAREN:
But, I always thought you liked the script girl, Janie

RICHARD:
Police report the assailant is still at large—

TED:
Oh, me and Janie was just an attempt to get you jealous

JAMIE (exclamation off)
Ted!

RICHARD:
--And should be considered armed and dangerous…

TED:
It’s over, Janie… it… really never begun, actually

(SFX: Ream of paper decidedly flung at something breakable)

JAMIE:
Bastard! Get your own scripts from now on! (sound of yelp and sobbing trailing off)

RICHARD:
Residents should be on the lookout--

TED:
Maybe we could get together after the broadcast—

RICHARD:
Residents should be on the lookout—

KAREN:
I’d like that

RICHARD: (Very loud)
RESIDENTS SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT—

TED:
Hey! Can you excuse us?? We’re trying to have a moment here!

RICHARD:
Look! We’re in the middle of a live news report!

TED:
You don’t understand “the moment”, do you, Richard. That’s why you can never get yourself a woman.

RICHARD:
Leave my dating life out of this. Be sensible. Karen has to stay with that spill and clean up all night, don’t you, Karen?

KAREN:
Oh, not really. It’ll work itself out. It’s only biohazard.

TED:
Hey, that’s great. Richard, can you handle things here?

RICHARD:
What are you talking about?

TED:
You can cover for me. I mean, there’s not much left is there? A dog rescue, house fire in some remote place, and then there’s sports, “blah blah blah scores,” no one listens to them, anyway—“

HAL: (off)
HEY!

TED:
Oh, get off it, Hal! Anyone who cares about the scores knows them before you do! They’ve been trying to get rid of you for years. We could replace you with a voice bulletin between commercials – it’d save us having to look at your ugly mug every day.

(SFX: Scuffling/scrabbling sounds,

HAL:
--I’m gonna kill him!

(SFX: Hal being restrained, Janie screaming/crying)

TED:
Karen? Want to meet some place cozy?

KAREN:
That’d be great, Ted.

JAMIE:
You BASTARD!

TED:
How ‘bout that special little place where you and I covered the Drug Turf Slayings?

RICHARD:
I don’t believe this…..

KAREN:
Oh, Ted, our first story together. You remembered.

HAL:
Lemme at him! Lemme at him!

TED:
You kidding? I’d never forget something as special as that….They’ve really fixed it up, it’s no longer a dive anymore. I’ll see you there in ten…

KAREN: All right. Toodles, Richard!

RICHARD: (With as much dignity as can be salvaged, riddled with irony)
And that’s the Radio News this hour, believe it, or not…

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