Prayers

Dear Father

by Charissa Taylor
10/06/05
Not For Sale
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Wow. Look, I did it! I can’t believe it. I’m done thirteen years of school. Ha, Ha! Someone must be insane to let me graduate. Talk about dangerous.

I’m not even sure what I’m feeling right now. I mean, I want to cry, but I can’t and I want to shout for joy, but I won’t. I have so many feelings running through my mind and heart that trying to describe them is like trying to describe every teardrop in a raging river. It’s not possible.

I hope you have a plan, Father. Because you’ve tossed mine out the window a few to many times for me to trust anything I’ve come up with. Not that I’m not grateful, so far your plans are all better then mine. It’s just that I hate it when I can’t see everything laid out and right now all I see is a brown trodden path heading into inky blackness. So once again, I’m leaning totally on you and trust all will be safe and everything will work out.

Don’t worry, I know collage is next. But that by itself is scary. I mean, I know where I’m going, but I have no idea how. I’m stepping out into a place I’ve never been and I’m expected to fly. The problem is my wings are still kinda new. It’s just that way when your homeschooled. I loved being homeschooled. I had everything I needed and wanted in my education. It definitely wasn’t a walk in the park, like most school kids say. But for me it was safer. It kept me from things that I might have had to deal with other wise. It also gave me things that going to public school couldn’t. But I’ll be nice and not say what. Still, all that means that college is a scary place and I’m willing to bet I won’t make it without you. So help me, please.

It’s funny; now that I’m not positive I want all this independence, I get it. Nice trick! I’m pretty sure I’d rather have it in larger steps then jumping in with both feet now. I think you forget the safety line. I liked being a kid. So, I’m going to grow up, but not that much. I’ll make sure that a part of me stays a kid. After all, that’s the part where my dreams come from and I’ll never let them go.

There’s something else I never want to let go of, my friends. That was one of the cool things about being involved in 4-H. I made friends that I otherwise would never have made. When I got in a jam over something in my schoolwork I could always call one of them and someone would have the answer. But it wasn’t just schoolwork, I can talk to them about other things too. It’s always fun to do stuff together. That’s one of the main concerns people have about homeschooling, I think some of our parents worry about it too. But we managed to form our own sort of family. I even have some friends at the school because of my sports. And I don’t know what I’d do with out my best friend. She understands me totally, I don’t even have to say anything and she knows. She’s awesome in everything. So I’d have to say it turned out okay. Yeah, I definitely have some good friends. Thank you for them all.

Thank you too for my family; I don’t know where I’d be without them. For being homeschooled, like I said it was the best. And for having so much support and love from people who care about me and who pray for me. For your love, guidance, and light, there’s something I don’t ever want to know what it’s like to be without. And for all the opportunities I’ve had and still have and my abilities. For my fantasies and dreams, something I really need and can use when I need to escape reality for a little while. For that one still place, in my house you need it and I have a feeling I’ll need it even more in college. For your Son and my other best friend. And for the things you do to help me that sometimes I don’t even see. Oh yeah, and for graduating! So, thank you, Father, thank you for everything.