Healthy Living

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The "I" Test....Part 2

by Dan Langerock


The attitude we give to others was covered in the first section of this test. Now we will examine the attitudes we receive from others in this part. What do we accept as behavior from others? In this case, we are looking at the manipulation and control others try to foist upon us by one means or another.


1) How far do you allow others to manipulate your life before you take a stand and say "That's enough?" Some people don't know how to say no to others so the sky is the limit as to what they will take before they do something about what is happening.


2) Do you believe it is right for others to try to manipulate your life in whatever way. People who are habitual controllers end up telling you instead of asking if you can do something for them. You have no say in the matter at all, it is a foregone conclusion that you will acquiesce to their demands. One way you can circumvent this problem is to spend as little time as possible talking to the person who is doing this to you. The longer you are in conversation with them on the phone or otherwise, the more chance they have to wreak havoc in your life. So if you don't allow much longevity to the conversation, they do not have as much time to manipulate you.


3) How do you feel about yourself as a person? You are more likely to be a victim of a controlling person if you have a low self-esteem because you allow others to cajole you into doing what they want when this is your attitude about yourself. Controllers can sense this about you and capitalize on it to your chagrin.


4) If you are the victim of a manipulator, do you set limits as to what you will do and what you will not do? If this is not done, you will never break the cycle of abuse from this or any other person of this type. There is a good book called "Boundaries" by John Townshend and Henry Cloud that goes into this in detail if you are interested. It is a valuable asset in your arsenal to take back control of your life from those who would have it otherwise.


5) Sometimes others will use the lever of guilt to make you do something for them. It can be like this, "If you loved me you would do this for me". Or "I did this for you back when and now you owe me". People who do this to you have a hidden "scorecard" they keep track of what they have done for you in the past so they can use it to manipulate you in the future. Avoid these people like the plague because it will only lead to heartache if you allow them to do things for you. Find some other person to do it for you who really has your best interest at heart instead someone who says they care and later hits you over the head with their "kindness". People who do this to you don't love and care about you as a person.


No one has the right to control you, get that idea into your head. The Bible has much to say about self-control but controlling others is out of the question. If you are honest with yourself, you will realize you have no time to control others if you are really working on your own attitudes and how you treat others. You should not be controlling those around you and others should not be allowed to control you....period. If either one is the case in your life then something is very wrong. God loves you so much, don't fall into these two traps of control either on the giving or receiving end. Life is too short to waste it this way.

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