Marriage

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VOWS

Thirty-four years ago I stood at the altar facing my fiancé and recited my wedding vows from memory. I can still say them without flinching.

“I, Elizabeth take thee, Frederick, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward: for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in heath; to love and to cherish until death us do part - according to God’s holy ordinance. And thereto I pledge thee my troth.”

Interestingly, I didn’t know at the time what having and holding, loving and cherishing, could mean. Nor did I understand that “troth” was faithfulness. Now so many years later, if I were to recite those vows all over again they might include the following pledges and truths, and the knowledge that my weaknesses would require supernatural strength.


I will assist you in any way I can – personally and professionally. I will pursue your best interests, and your healing processes, whether they are physical, emotional, or spiritual. I will support and encourage you. I will protect you from yourself. I will sacrifice myself on the altar of your desire and need.

I will challenge you. I will not settle for the tyranny of consistency, but will set an example of growth. I will pursue what you cannot or will not. I will put up with your stubbornness only out of love. I will honor your intentions more than your actions. I will respect your motives.

I will allow you the freedom to make your own choices. I will hope and wait for what seems improbable and even impossible. I will tolerate when I don’t understand. I will honor the desires of your heart.

I will defer to you. I will serve you and our children. I will wonder about the discrepancies between us; I will grow weary; I will need tenderness; I will crave your attention. I will make mistakes and trust in your forgiveness. I will need your strength. I will want your heart, search for it, and long for you to search for mine. I will covet your patience with me. I will cringe when you misunderstand. I will cry into my pillow, and you will never know. I will complain, but not run away.

I will believe the best about you.

I will never leave you.

I will trust God when things don’t make sense.

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