Humor

---

Throughout the year, many days of celebration are tucked capriciously into the calendar. So much so, it is hard to find any day of the year where something or someone is not being observed, which has benefited the greeting card company, you can be sure. I'm not positive, but I think they've had a great deal to do with designating these days.

Some days are celebrated a little more enthusiastically than others. The Fourth of July has firecrackers; Halloween has funny and scary costumes, not to mention bags of candy; and Christmas boasts the Christmas tree and jolly old St. Nick with all his presents, and it is hard to compete with Christmas parties when it comes to celebrations.

And we come to Mother's Day. According to experts, more telephone calls are placed on Mother's Day than any other day of the year. Also, try to walk into a restaurant and get a seat on that certain Sunday.

There is a theory, which I subscribe to personally, stating the reason Father's Day is so lame is because so much has been spent on Mother's Day, there is nothing left.

I think there should be a rule that says, whatever Mother's Day costs fathers, mothers should spend on Father's Day. This would do one of two things; decrease Mother's Day or puff Father's Day spending. Personally, I'm in favor of puffing.

Perhaps with some effort, Father's Day could be a little more exciting. And I'm not saying this just because I'm a father. Well, maybe I am, but if I don't who will?

Fathers in general are rather humble and hesitant to speak about themselves. Contrary to popular opinion, every father knows talk is not cheap, and because he has spent so much on Mother's Day, he simply is practicing good manners and shuts up.

However, every father needs to know he is truly appreciated by his family. Although you cannot buy a father, it is possible to rent him on occasion.

I'm in favor of celebrating Father's Day "any which way you can." It really doesn't matter to the father involved. Any father would consider his child a "million dollar baby" if he or she would just give a Father's Day card to him, along with a nice hot cup of coffee while sitting in his favorite chair reading the newspaper. Nothing the children did throughout the year would remain "unforgiven" if something this simple were done on Father's Day.

As it stands, Father's Day is celebrated "every which way but loose," and I believe it is time this has stopped. There seems to be too many loose ends concerning Father's Day. It is a "true crime" the way certain things are left hanging concerning fathers. Some fathers have felt like "the dead pool" around Father's Day, not knowing exactly what to expect.

Mother's Day is rather simple. Every mother knows that she will get certain things; flowers, a Mother's Day card and dinner at her favorite restaurant.

By the time Father's Day comes around everybody is so exhausted from Mother's Day, not to mention most fathers are broke, nobody knows exactly how to make dad's day special or, more importantly, who will finance it.

Too many people are uptight about Father's Day and feel like they are running "the gauntlet." When I say people, I am referring primarily to Yours Truly. Nobody seems to know what to do about good ole dad on his special day.

Fortunately, I have some ideas along this line.

With some of the presents I have received over the years I'm beginning to think my children imagine me as a "space cowboy," or maybe a "high plains drifter" driving around in a "pink Cadillac" heading for "the bridges of Madison County." Nothing could be further from the truth, except Howard Dean's portrayal of the Republican Party. What he needs on Father's Day is a "sudden impact" of truth.

When it comes to being a father, I assure you I'm not "the rookie" walking on a "tightrope," directly "in the line of fire" running toward "heartbreak ridge." I have quite a bit of experience being a father, going back more than 30 years.

As a father, I have three children notched on my belt. At times, I have felt like "the enforcer" and the only way to deal with those children was to use "magnum force" and "hang ‘em high."

I must confess at times I felt like a "pale rider" sweating it out in the "city heat," realizing no matter how hard I try it is not "a perfect world" we live in. What would make my day, and other fathers' day, would be a present I could really use, or at least understand without spending an entire day reading the directions.

In spite of all this, I have discovered one thing; being a father is its own reward. The Bible puts fatherhood high on the list of important positions in life.

David, the Psalmist, put his feelings about being a father into familiar words to all who have read the Bible. "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." (Psalm 127:3-5 KJV.)

This year, my advice is, whatever it costs, go ahead and make dad's day. He deserves it.

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE