Poetry
CAST YOUR BURDEN ONTO JESUS
Erase all your worries
Jot them down on my diary
Take the notes of joy and peace
All sealed in a divine kiss.
Pluck the beautiful roses in my garden
Leave behind the thorns for all are pardoned
You shall come with me and eat with me
Said Jesus,"for I'll come again you will see.
Only,
Joy
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Keen: *Wow, this piece is really short and yet profound! I kept rereading it again and again wanting to discover some kind of deeper concealed meaning in the two stanzas but none so far. The message of the poem is clear yet metaphorical—a poetic rendition of the words of Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30: trade God your junk for His holiness. Oh, Jesus is so good and full of love for us!
**This is the perfect opportunity to again comment on your juxtaposition of rhyming and non-rhyming lines and stanzas; good job. This piece in particular I liked because it’s so short, you can’t help but notice that one stanza rhymes and one doesn’t. A very powerful effect when read at least twice in a row.
Dull: *I don’t really have any thoughts on areas of improvement and that’s just it, I SHOULD! You show great competence in metaphorically communicating biblical truth briefly, so now increase the difficulty. Could you write another piece about not worrying from a different perspective? How about non-metaphorically? Could you do this and address more than one theme about worry? You do wonderful at thinking simply now, cultivate your poetic mind at thinking elaborately.
__This piece has a good message with good metaphors at a good length about our good God, but that’s all. God is better than good He’s holy and superior, perfect and beautifully splendorous. Let your growing admiration for God cause transformation in your knowledge of poetry and its forms so you can use them to impress all with the superior-ness of Christ, impressing Him on their hearts.