Healthy Living

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The Victim Test
By Dan Langerock

What are the components that make a victim mentality? Perhaps abuse in early life or in a marriage or other relationship. According to studies, people who are in abusive relationships return to those same types of relationships when they are set free from them. Only when the cycle of abuse is broken and they set a new pattern for themselves, can freedom be realized. Here are a few questions to help you determine where you are on the victim scale, if at all:

Do you allow others to manipulate your life? If you allow one person to do this, it is easier to succumb to others' control because you are 'used to' this treatment, and maybe even come to expect it. This control gradually whittles down your self-esteem and resolve to break free.

Are you a passive resistor? Some people, rather than openly defying someone, will passively resist attempts to control them, which doesn't usually work. You have to make it clear that you will not tolerate manipulation by others. Set up the boundaries and stick to them, no matter what. As you change your behavior responses to their control, they must also change to adjust to your new way of doing things.

What kind of people do you associate with? Are they control-types of people? Someone you can control? It is just as wrong to control others as it is to allow yourself to be controlled. One person I know said it best, "those who seek to control others are out of control in their own lives" I contend that someone who does this to you doesn't really love you in the true sense of the word. True love brings freedom, not bondage. It is the same principle with abuse. If someone says they love you, then abuses you physically or otherwise, how does that show love? Wake up, people!





Have you ever noticed that some people attract trouble to themselves? This is because when a person has a victim mentality, it sends out signals to others that they are "the victim type". It is the same with a person walking down the street. Some people give off a signal that says they are vulnerable, while others do not. Self-defense experts teach you to not give out this signal by being confident and assured. You can use the same principle as a victim to correct this situation.I would label it a "victim posture".

Are you afraid to change your situation, if you are being abused or controlled? This should tell you something, if you feel reluctant or powerless to change what is going on in your life. It begins with rejecting what others are trying to put on you whether condemnation, guilt, or whatever the lever is that they are using to victimize you. The Bible tells us that if we trust God with our lives and ask for forgiveness sincerely, there is no more condemnation. Once God forgives us, He doesn't remember the offense anymore. This is rarely the case with us humans.

Do you try to manipulate the present or future to bring back the past? Let's say you were happy with a certain person, perhaps even a child. You don't want that child to grow up and become independent because you want the relationship you had with them before to be now or in the near future. So every attempt they make to be independent, at any age, you "throw a monkey wrench" to disable their attempts.

I knew a man once who still loved his ex-wife after divorcing her. He went to church with her until she decided to remarry. Then he turned his back on God and became a sad, bitter person. He wanted the past to be rekindled so much that he couldn't let go, and wrecked his own life, his ex-wife's, and his relationship with God.

Yes, it is hard to let go of the past at times. The past seems happier than what we have now or anticipate in the future, and we try to turn the clock back, but it doesn't work most of the time. It just makes our lives and those around us worse than before. The past is gone, it cannot be retrieved. The future is before us, but what happens there is partly determined by our anticipations and ideas about what we will find.when we get there. Others deserve to be happy even though you may not approve of the disruption to your expectations. It is assumed you were given freedom to be happy once, so be magnanimous and give the same opportunity to them. You will be miserable and bitter if you don't.

Remember that God loves you. He loves all of us the same, there is no partiality. He has a wonderful plan for our futures if we will trust Him with our lives. However, if we try to manipulate others into the mold we have made, everyone will be unhappy, including you. God knows what is best for each of us, and if we trust Him, He will bring it to pass for our good. We have His word on it. It takes very little to mess up our lives if we don't trust God. It is like a gift. God has a gift of a wonderful future for us, but we must accept it and open it. How do you think God feels when He has all these gifts for us, and we refuse to utilize them in our lives? Think on these things!

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