Testimonies

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Have Mercy, O Lord

It’s one of those dreary,haunting moments again- like ghosts pulling her down under, crowding her mind with monstrous thoughts, crushing her spirit like a sponge being squeezed until it’s dry as a desert.

The winter is gone, but the “blues” remain. Why can’t she find joy in the fresh, crisp air of spring? Why can’t she find peace in the stillness of the night and the quiet whisper of dawn? Why can’t she smile while the warm glow of the sun shines on her face and find hope from the rainbow after the rain? If only she could pause and gaze at the cherry blossoms, smell the gardenias and watch the butterflies encircling the giant daizy- ah what a sight to enjoy! What a special moment to reflect and be grateful.

But she’s too tired and sick to even look at the mirror for she’s afraid to see that ghost again..haggard, wasted, lifeless, confused. Her shoulders slump as she carries the weight of that extra baggage. She cried for help, but all she got were pure silence. What are they thinking? That she’s crazy? Are they laughing and mocking her at her back?

The worst thing someone can tell her now is, “Christians are not supposed to get depressed.” She heard that before and that’s like a dagger aiming at her fragile heart, making her as guilty as the worst of sinners, condemning her, mocking her, bringing her down deeper and deeper into the darkest pit. It’s a struggle that even King David had been through, as he found solace with music and prayers. She can find that lost song in her soul, she can scribble the missing, refreshing words of love again. But for a moment, she has to fight the enemy with a sling-shot of faith. Then that reminded her of Someone who loves her with a love that never changes with the season. Always alive, true and dependable.

Writing her heart out with letters drenched with tears, each word becomes a prayer. A plea for mercy to God. “Lord, You are my Refuge and my Strength, my Comfort, my Rock. You alone knows my thoughts and my heart. Have mercy on me.”

My Lord is quick to respond . And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

In Christ I find hope.
Gloria Tiquia
Spring 2005

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