Humor

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The cassette tape player had finally finished rewinding, and I hesitantly pushed play.

A woman's voice began: "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a flash fiction story of 500 or fewer words on procrastination. Then post it to your FW profile and make a link from the Message Boards to it."

The tape's content seemed to be done, with only a faint hissing noise continuing to emanate from the ancient appliance.

"Oh, and one more thing," she continued. "You must promise to critique five other stories."

This time the silence stretched out even longer, and I was reaching for the stop button. The voice began again so suddenly, so stridently, that I jerked my hand back, as though from a mousetrap. Her final declaration, stated as loudly as the machine could manage it?

"MONKEYS RULE!!!"

Then the voice of one of those announcers who talk so fast you can barely make out what they're saying came on to announce all the legal gobble-dee-gook, ending with "This tape will self-destruct in about 25-30 years if buried in wet soil."

Okay, then. Here I go, writing a story about procrastination! I am so motivated! I can't wait to get started.

But...I guess I'd better go to work. They kinda appreciate it when I show up and do my job. But as soon as I get home, I'm gonna write that story, you betcha!

Two Days Later.

Well, Monday isn't a good day for me, artistically. I need to, you know, steep in the creative juices, like a teabag in hot water. Ooh, that sounds good. I'll just get a cup, then I'll start right in. (or write in, ha, ha!)

Three More Days Later.

Ooh, I got a little distracted there, didn't I? But, of course, the whole time I was busily thinking of ways to put off writing about procrastination!

Kidding! I was thinking of something to write about that subject, of course. I would never, ever wait until the very last minute, when my back was up against a wall, and I was so stressed out about a deadline that I couldn't see straight...no, not me. Not ever.

Well, almost never.

There was that one time in college that I waited to write that paper, then we had that power outage, and... Oh, I haven't called any of those good old chums of mine in so long! Well, you know me, such a "people person!" I'll put them first and give them a jingle, and just keep the story brewing on the back burner in my little stove of a brain.

Later.

So, sitting down at my computer to write.

Staring at anything but the screen.

Ooh, so dusty!

Maybe I'll do a little housework, meaning vacuum, sweep, mop, dust, scrub, laundry, take the trash out, and, yuck, windows...

I really hate ALL those tasks.

What can I do instead of housework?

Hmmm...

Maybe I'll write that story on procrastination for Sally's challenge...

Brenda Kern

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