Christian Living

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Reaching Out Or Passive Aggression?
(A Lenten Message)
© 2005
by

Stephen A. Peterson


For believing Christians, the Lenten period is a time for reconciliation with each other. In doing so, one reconciles herself or himself with God. So what should you do when someone’s behavior is so out of sorts, confusing or angers you beyond words? Saint Paul summed up Christianity’s solution to such a dilemma—reconcile your differences, love them unconditionally and be patient with them.

In spite of what many may believe, simply being kind has remarkable results! During the year 2002, Brian, recently married, complained bitterly about his wife’s mother. According to Brian, his mother-in-law had come to live with them following the death of her husband of many years and the situation was not working out at all. She reportedly came down to breakfast in her bathrobe each morning with curlers in her hair and slippers that she scuffed at every step. In addition to this behavior, the woman was reported to slurp her coffee and to make sucking sounds as she cleaned her teeth of food particles stuck in her teeth. One more scuff, slurp or sucking sound, he thought, would have driven him insane.

Having listened to his complaints, he was given advice that could help his situation if he would agree to follow it as suggested.

The young man swore that he would do so if it would correct the situation. So he agreed.

It was suggested that when he arrived to his place of employment the following day to call up his mother-in-law then ask her out to lunch. The lunch would be just for himself and his mother-in-law in the best restaurant in the Oklahoma City metropolitan area.

Brian appeared shocked, was speechless then stated his uneasiness about this proposal. However, he had promised to follow with what was recommended during this counseling session. With a great deal of reluctance and fear, Brian did what was suggested.

Days following the lunch date, Brian reported to his astonishment that when his mother-in-law appeared in the restaurant, she was well groomed, cheerful, happy, well-dressed and had a lively disposition about herself at the first class restaurant. What happened? How could this be? Brian’s mother-in-law, like the majority of people, reflects the bias and evaluation of those around them. Some psychologists often and humorously refer to this as our seventh sense. That is, our response to kindness, just as one responds to hostility through being passively aggressive towards our aggressor or aggressors.

Is there someone in your life who has a tendency to rub you the wrong way? Rather than continue the cycle of passive or open aggressiveness towards each other, why not break the cycle by displaying the kindness of reaching out? It was Christ’s way of dealing with those who hated and despised Him. Such a gesture may change their behavior and attitude a great deal. It may also change yours as well! You may be more of a Christian in the final analysis!

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