Kids & Parenting
My boys I love you dearly, more than you'll ever know.
You've given me such joy my sons, my love with you shall go.
I feel you when your crying, my heart stings when your sad.
I'll be there always to clean your wounds, or scold you when your bad.
My thoughts are forever with you, whenever near or far.
Good intentions only in my heart, your lives I'll never scar.
With this my sons I give to you my never
ending love, my hopes, my dreams, my lifes
desire to fill your lives with love.
Love, Mom
PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
Reader Count & Comments
Date
Deborah Porter 
03 Feb 2005
Cheryl, another lovely poem. I have a daughter and a son, so really related to your heart in this. The only critique I'd offer is that the rhythm is a little out in places, which makes the reader sort of trip a bit in spots. The first time was in this line, "I'll be there always to clean your wounds." Before that it had been flowing along to a certain rhythm and feel, but this line threw in an extra syllable and caused the trip. You could fix it with something like, "I'll clean and kiss your wounds always". The same thing happens with the first line of the second stanza, "My thoughts are forever with you." The trip spot is in the word, "forever", but it could be easily fixed by saying, "My thoughts are ever with you." Again, in this line, "Good intentions only in my heart", the "only" is the tripper. So to fix it, you could say, "With good intentions in my heart." Then the end bit flows well, but because it is a set rhythm and pattern of rhyme, you need to really keep the lines in the same format as the rest of the stanza. Last of all, you've used the word, "your" a couple of times where it needs to be "you're" (for "you are"). I hope this helps a bit. I wouldn't have mentioned anything if you didn't have your article marked as requesting a critique. Be encouraged though. I love your heart in your writing. It's beautiful. Also, because of my workload, I don't have the time normally to give this kind of feedback - and when I do, it's only ever to help someone with potential hone their skills. Keep writing and shining your beautiful light. With love, Deb
The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com. This is especially true with articles that
deal with personal healthcare and prophecy. We encourage the reader to make their own decision in consultation with God, His Word, and others as needed.
This article has been read 1143 times < Previous | Next >
Read more articles by Cheryl Russell This article has been read 1143 times < Previous | Next >
or search for other articles by topic below.
Search for articles on: (e.g. creation; holiness etc.)
Read more by clicking on a link:Free Reprints
Main Site Articles
Most Read Articles
Highly Acclaimed Challenge Articles.
New Release Christian Books for Free for a Simple Review.
God is Not Against You - He Came on an All Out Rescue Mission to Save You
...in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them... 2 Cor 5:19
Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Acts 13:38
LEARN & TRUST JESUS HERE
FaithWriters offers Christian reading material for Christian readers. We offer Christian articles, Christian fiction, Christian non-fiction, Christian Bible studies, Christian poems, Christian articles for sale, free use Christian articles, Christian living articles, New Covenant Christian Bible Studies, Christian magazine articles and new Christian articles. We write for Jesus about God, the Bible, salvation, prayer and the word of God.