Christian Living

PART 1 FORGIVENESS

by james rondinone 
09/17/26
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Introduction

Forgiveness is a subject that frankly can be very confusing for a Christian. We not only perceive forgiveness based on our upbringing, but many Christians are told to follow the example of forgiveness toward others Christ exhibited on the cross. Is Christ’s example of forgiveness the only one we should follow?

If I were to ask what forgiveness means to you, you might respond with one of the following statements:

●To forget about what someone has done to me. I won’t approach them or tell anyone else about the incident but just let it go. 

●To take someone to a court of law who somehow injured me. Once the case has been settled, then I’ll forgive them.

●To take revenge on someone who has done me wrong. Once I have enacted retribution, then I’ll forgive them.

Have you ever forgiven someone in any one of these ways? As a Christian, did you ever wonder if Scripture supported how you handled the situation? 

Understanding this topic from a biblical perspective will help us understand how to address issues that involve situations in which we’ve been hurt by others mentally, emotionally, and physically. Before we look at different scenarios in the Bible in which forgiveness was applied, I’d like to leave you with a personal story about my upbringing and how forgiveness came into play at some point.

Being an only child, I received much verbal abuse from my father. He was a man of many talents, having been a real estate broker, carpenter, machine shop worker, and an owner of various types of businesses (e.g., clothing stores, restaurants, house merchandise pickers, etc.). Over time, he purchased a house, owned a nice car, and lived the American dream.

However, he needed more patience when trying to teach me carpentry skills. I was a slow learner, which he couldn’t tolerate. Whenever I’d make a mistake or take too long hammering a nail in a piece of wood, I’d be verbally ridiculed. This caused me to withdraw from wanting to be in his presence.

In my early high school years, I worked part-time for my hometown newspaper. During my senior year, I left this position and secured a part-time job working as a printer for a local retail chain. At this time, my father purchased a small Spa & Grille business and demanded that I work for him. This marked the beginning of our tumultuous relationship. 

This required me to take menu orders from people who purchased food from the grill or groceries from the shelves. I didn’t enjoy either, let alone manage a small restaurant. There were days when I was left alone to cook, wash dishes, clean, and close up the restaurant.

It seemed like I could never please him as far as my job performance was concerned. I was criticized quite often. I got to a point where I just became resigned to expecting it. This critique affected me in everything I did. As a result, I had very low self-esteem in any endeavor, including my school work and social relationships.

Eventually, I went to college while continuing to work for my father after school hours. On one particular day, there was a parade passing by the restaurant. I’d just left work and decided to follow it to where it ended, which was at the city’s town hall.

In the distance, I heard a loud voice over a loudspeaker. I walked toward where the noise came from and saw a crowd gathering around. I witnessed a young man discussing the idea that God wants to change people’s lives. He said this inward change could only come when someone repents of their sins to God the Father and believes in His Son Jesus as to who He is and what He has accomplished. This confused me because I was raised in my family’s faith and already believed in Jesus as one of the members of the Trinity. Unexpectedly, I was approached by one of the members of the group, who invited me to attend their next meeting.

I have to admit that I desired a life change of direction. So, I decided to attend their next gathering. While there, one of the men presented a spiritual message I didn’t understand. After this, he talked about how God wants to come into our lives personally and make us entirely new by giving us His nature. He reiterated the need to repent of our sins and believe in Jesus and added that if anyone responds to this pronouncement known as the gospel, one of the members of the Trinity called the Holy Spirit would come inside their body and provide them with spiritual blessings, one of which is a guarantee of eternal life with God. So, I confessed I was a sinner and expressed belief in the person and work of Christ. And then something incredible happened. I was filled with an immeasurable saturation of joy and peace.

Soon after that, I attended a weekly worship service and Bible study, learning about the truths of the faith and the spiritual blessings that I received at salvation. I forgave my father as I understood who I was in Christ and how to think His thoughts. This idea of forgiveness meant I’d no longer be occupied with his abusive attitude toward me, but rather, I’d focus on certain Scriptures that built me up in my new image in Christ.I began to understand that my successes or failures, especially the verbal abuse from my dad, etc., prepared my heart to respond to God’s invitation to salvation.

As time went on, eventually, I got married and went to Bible school, during which time my wife got pregnant and had a baby boy. After graduation, I became the principal of an affiliated Christian Day school in a nearby state. Then, the unexpected happened.

One particular Sunday morning, my father and mother arrived unannounced at my residence to see their grandson. While they were with us, I invited them to attend the early morning Sunday service, which they did. After the pastor preached the sermon, he proceeded to proclaim the gospel of repentance and belief. They stayed with us a little longer after they departed from the church festivities and then left to return home.

The following Sunday morning began with my family’s usual attendance at church. As my wife and I walked in and proceeded to sit in the back of the chapel as music was being played from the stage area, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My father and mother stood in the front row, clapping and singing. I’ve never seen them both happily engaged in church. Something had happened to them, as I believe what transpired in my life years earlier, i.e., that God had come into their lives. Unfortunately, my dad died of cancer a short time later, but I have to admit I’ll never forget that day.

And what I learned through it all is this. We don’t have to like what people have said or done to us, but we don’t have to let that abuse be what defines us for the rest of our lives.

God wants to make us brand new, and that can only happen if we confess that we’re a sinner and profess with our mouth belief in his Son. And when we learn how to grow spiritually and apply these principles, He’ll use us as an example of His love toward others. Who knows, God might bring back into our lives those who’ve mistreated us so that we can extend to them the same love that was offered to us when we were dead in our sins. So, here’s a question I’d like you to consider.

When we talk about forgiving others, does this word always mean to release someone from the debt owed, i.e., the words or actions they’ve perpetrated against us by praying to God the Father to remove the record of their debt of sin as our examples, Jesus, did when he cried out to Him on the cross and one of the deacons of the early church, Stephen, who called out to Him at his most urgent hour?

Many church teachings would say yes. Give the matter to God, release the debt to Him, and He’ll handle it. Don’t think about it anymore. I’ve left an article on forgiveness for us to read that seems to echo this sentiment.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

Harness the Power of Forgiveness by Knowing its True Meaning

Forgiveness is not what you think. And it’s never for the faint of heart. Instead, it’s a complex process that can liberate [us,] or we can allow the pain of unforgiveness to chain us with bitterness and regret. Forgiveness is a gritty choice that requires courage. Let’s discover what forgiveness exactly means – and not mean!

First and foremost, forgiveness is never a free pass for someone to keep hurting us, nor does it mean we have to excuse or tolerate their transgressions. Forgiveness [doesn’t] require forgetting, nor does it require that we have to trust or reconcile with the person who hurt us. Forgiveness doesn’t imply that we have to be happy about a situation, nor does it release an offender from legal accountability.

Given this huge list of what forgiveness is not, what exactly is it, why is it so hard for us, and how do we forgive so we can truly be free of the pain of offense?

To begin, let’s get real and personal for you [and your] situation – by thinking about the person who has hurt or offended you. As we think of the pain they have caused, we are all faced with some important choices. We could lash out at them, demand an apology, seek revenge, or cut them out of our lives altogether. After all, they hurt [us] and may not even care. We have every right to be angry and [offended,] but here’s the thing: how long will it take us to find peace and freedom if we choose these paths? In fact, will we ever truly be free? And that is why we are here. Because we want freedom from all this anger, [hurt,] and turmoil.

To understand forgiveness, let’s go to a story Jesus told about a servant who owed the king 10,000 bags of gold. It was a massive debt, and the king knew [it] but chose to release the servant from having to repay it. One of the main points Jesus made in this story was that true forgiveness is a matter of justice, and justice is something we get to decide on.

Justice starts by first determining what exactly someone owes us. In other words, we count the cost. Once [we know] what’s owed us, that’s when we can choose to release someone from their debt.

See, here is the secret that so many people miss. The crucial decision happens when we say to ourselves – not necessarily to the person who offended us, “I release you from the debt you owe me.” Did you notice the inside/out secret? It’s hidden right here in plain sight.

When we release someone from a debt they owe us, we release ourselves from our need to recover what is owed to us. When our own need to be repaid is gone, we are the ones who are truly set free.

It’s like [chalkboard] covered with the word debt and erasing all of it. Suddenly, you’ve decided that your needs to be repaid are gone. You’ve erased your need to collect the debt! You’ve cleared your mind so you can be free of all that clutter – all that poison. Now, instead of allowing someone else’s actions or inactions to rule your life, you are back in charge of your life!  This is what forgiveness of others does to us!

Even though it may be hard to imagine your current situation, what if you could tell yourself, “I’m going to release them from their debt and release myself from my need to hear their apology?”

Can you see how that choice could help you to skip years of bitterness, anger, and resentment that would harden your heart and mind? You might not be ready now, but if you can see it’s [possible, you’re] on the path to forgiveness and freedom!

Forgiveness isn’t a fluffy, feel-good concept, but it is a complex process that requires real bravery to work through layers of feelings and difficult choices. You have shown courage to seek God’s help with [forgiveness,] and you’re on your way to freedom. Hang in there, and we’ll see you in the next article!¹

With that said, here’s a question to consider.

Does this article illustrate the common perception of forgiveness?

As quoted from this article: “I’m going to release them from their debt and release myself from my need to hear their apology?”²This sentiment is prevalent in many churches today. I agree that one of the definitions of forgiveness is to give up the debt; however, what this actually looks like can be confusing.

This is what this book is all about. By looking at the many examples in Scripture involving forgiveness, hopefully, we’ll better understand what it means to give up a debt and how it’s to be applied. Are you ready to forge ahead and learn all you can about this subject? We’ll begin by looking at the examples of forgiveness that Jesus provided on the cross and the deacon Stephen exemplified during the final moments of his life.

Endnotes

¹“What is Forgiveness?” Little Big Things 26 February 2023

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²“What is Forgiveness?”