Kids & Parenting

Hand-Me-Down-Truth

by J.W. Phillips
03/04/25
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 Hand-Me-Down-Truth

Ephesians 6:4 says that the parents, and particularly fathers, are to bring up their children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

So what exactly does this mean? And how are parents to undertake such an important task? Are there pitfalls that should be avoided?

Yes, there are, but before identifying these, it must first be pointed out that the starting place isn't with the children; it's with the parents.

The Priority

In Deuteronomy, chapter 6, we find God telling parents: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. And these words which I command you this day shall be on your heart.”

In truth, one won't be able to effectively parent their children if their own relationship with God is in bad repair.

So here God is saying, “I want you to have an un-compromised, fired-up love for me, involving heart, soul and strength.” That first!

Contemplate this premise: If Mom and Dad were close to the Lord, do you think that they would also be extremely close to each other?

Without a doubt! This love for the Lord would energize the most marvelous marital love!

This is important to know, because why should marriages go on hiatus during the child-raising years?

What would truly make the children happy—even more than presents, fun activities, and other ways of giving to them—is seeing how much Mom and Dad love each other.

Similarly, the best predictor that the children will grow up to love God is if they see their parents loving him.

Just taking the children to church won't get this job done. What kids need to see is reality at home!

However, if there is a gap between creed and deed, between what is known and what is grown in the parents’ example, the kids will be among the first to spot this.

It will adversely affect them, to the point they’ll slam on the brakes before going further with this religious stuff.

Why is it that fathers are so seldom involved in teaching God's Word to their children?

It isn't because of a lack of time, a lack of spiritual gifts, or some other frequently given reason. The real reason, implied by these words in Deuteronomy, is because it was never on their hearts!

But if the new heart in the born-again parents were activated, these next four steps could be successfully implemented.

Verse 7 in this passage identifies some wonderful opportunities for teaching our children.

“And you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”

The word 'diligently' in this verse certainly suggests a high-priority status. This isn't a transferable responsibility, something the Sunday school teacher can do, or the youth pastor can do. It is parents who must commit to teaching their children!

 The Opportunity

Ray Stedman helps us to understand four teachable moments suggested by this passage.

First, parents can begin to discharge their teaching responsibility, this passage says, when they sit down—which is probably referring to mealtimes.

Instead of rushing through a routine, perfunctory blessing, parents can make this a time of sharing—with the family's participation—just how God has proved himself faithful during that very day.

Nothing forced, nothing preachy, just a claim on a few moments of time to celebrate the goodness of God.

“Walking by the way” probably refers to the leisure times of life—the walk on the beach, the hike in the mountains—what a splendid time to marvel at God's creation!

Have you ever noticed how theological we can get in settings like these?

It's so easy to reflect on the divine designs for beauty, diversity, as well as: on God's power, our place in the created order, and what Heaven must look like.

Children will readily participate in such discussions, if parents will only open the opportunity.

These can be times that, soon enough, will open our child's mind toward God.

Third, the Bible talks about the lying-down times—meaning, of course, bedtime. It is at this time that the spirit of a child is unusually open, but parents will often misread this.

The fact that their child wants to talk isn't, as they suppose, just a stalling tactic. The parent who will linger by the child's bedside, reading a Bible story, leading in prayer, and just letting the child talk—will walk away with some of the sweetest and most poignant memories.

This is something not likely to be experienced, though, by parents who whisks the kids off to bed, flicks the lights off, quickly closes the door, and hurries back to their TV program.

Fourth, “rising up” refers to getting up in the morning. With a little planning, this could be done so that the children's whole day will be flavored by the presence of Jesus.

This could be a time when the Word is read, when its meaning is shared, when daily requests are made known to the Lord, and when words of affection are spoken before each family member goes his or her separate way.

Just imagine how different our children's character might be if only we did what God told us to do!

The fact is—their little lives are just waiting to be shaped!

The percentages are extremely high that the children’s vision of themselves, of God, of relationships with each other, and even their purpose in life would be supernaturally altered, if parents only offered these hand-me-down-truths.

The Authenticity

Again, the emphasis in this passage returns to the parents' own example; and this is because right words and religious routine will become a negative in the child's eyes, if Mom and Dad are living a discredited life.

Addressing this concern, verses 8 and 9 say, “And you shall bind them for a sign upon your hand, and they shall be a frontlets between your eyes. And you shall write them upon the posts of your house and on your gates.”

The hand speaks of what the father does in his work life. Does he work hard? Is he honest? Is there integrity in his work life? Does he resist those short-cuts and compromises that are so tempting to others? Is he doing his work in a way that would make God proud to sign his name to it?

The eyes represent the imagination, the inner theater of our soul. So—

Are there pictures on Dad's mental screen that should never see the light of day?

Are there secrets in his private life that would deeply hurt his wife?

Are there thoughts entertained that neutralize his intimacy with God?

It was said of the people in Noah's day that their imaginations were continually evil—and that's why God flooded them out of existence!

So. is God being grieved again, due to a rerun of that same stuff in Dad's mind?

The gates and posts represent the entrance and exit points of Dad's life—that is, how he is in public versus how he is at home.

Is there some discrepancy there? Is he Mr. Nice Guy to the world, but at home it's a different story?

Does he come home at night and blow off steam? Does he say and do things at home that he would never say or do anywhere else?

Of course, Mom could ask herself these same kinds of questions, because these questions are equally relevant to her.

The point God is making is that truth for their children comes through the prism of the parents' character. The testimony of their daily lives can either be very motivating or very detrimental to the teaching they hear.

If there is inconsistency in parents’ lives, it will set up rebellion in the child, and possibly a repudiation of the truths being taught.

Hand-me-down-truth from parents will more swiftly access minds, and impact the hearts of our children, if we make the decision to parent in God’s way.