Humor

I Didn’t Lose My Marbles They Just Retired

by James Snyder 
08/24/24
Free to Share
Author requests article critique

  Message Writer
  Hire Writer

Tweet

For some people, getting old is a real challenge. And it probably is for many people, but it hasn't been too much of an issue for me.

Don't let this get out, but getting old has been more of a blessing than a curse for me. I thought it would be terrible and didn't know what I would do when I reached that magical retirement age. Fortunately for me, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is several years ahead of me, so she is leading the way.

I like it when she is in charge like this because that means I don't have to wear out my brain by trying to figure out anything.

When she acknowledges that she is old, I will accept it and look forward to getting old myself.

The other day, for example, she complained about her bones aching, and I said, "Well, my dear, you're just getting old."

Of course, that did not go well with her. She replied, "No, it has nothing to do with my age. There is a storm coming, and Mother Nature is warning me to get ready for the storm."

Am I losing it, or have I heard that before? Evidently, she's in contact with Mother Nature, who messages her when a storm is coming.

Because I do not like pain, I went along with her story. When she walked out of the living room, I said, "Tell Mother Nature I said hello."

She looked at me with one of her looks, and she was not laughing, although I was laughing, at least on the inside.

Getting old does have its privileges. Because I'm old, for instance,I have the privilege of not remembering things.

Whenever The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage asks me about something, I reply sadly, "Oh, I must be getting old because I don't remember that."

So far, I've gotten away with that.

The only problem is that I need to have a good memory to remember what I don't remember. Oh boy.

For me, the greatest pleasure of getting old has to do with my eating habits.

I can complain about some food and say to The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, "I don't think I'm able to eat that sort of thing anymore, it stirs up my stomach."

Right here, I need to have a very good memory to know what I don't want to eat. After all, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has an excellent memory, and I'm banking on that for sure.

Certain vegetables are off-limits to me because I'm older now. If it's green, it can't be seen, at least on my plate.

Last week, I got caught complaining that I couldn't eat certain vegetables, and my stomach could not handle it anymore. I snuck into the kitchen and got several cookies, and as I turned around to walk out, who was standing in front of me but The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage?

"What are you eating?" She said very sternly. "I thought at dinner you said your stomach couldn't handle anything more for the day."

I looked at her, tried to smile, and said, "But, my dear, I can't resist your cookies. You make such delicious and wonderful cookies." Then, I tried to smile more broadly.

"For your information," she said while staring at me, "I did not make those cookies I bought them for our great-granddaughter."

I was careful what I was going to say next because anything I said, she would remember until the day of my funeral.

The game of forgetfulness can be a wonderful game. However, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage does not know that she's playing it. Because of that, I usually win.

I'm really not as forgetful as I let on, because sometimes it is important not to remember something. Some things are not worth remembering and my problem as I get older is I remember what I should forget and forget what I should remember.

How I get out of this mess will be something to treasure the rest of my life.

The other day, I had one of those forgetful issues. I was trying to find something in my office, but I just could not find it. I looked everywhere, but it didn't show up. I was a little bit frustrated.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came and said, "What's wrong? Have you lost your marbles?" And she looked at me and laughed and laughed.

I responded to her by saying, "No, my dear, I have not lost my marbles, they just have retired."

Looking at me she grinned and said, "Well, maybe you should retire too."

She has something there that I’m going to think about.

While I was thinking about my memories I was reminded of what King David said, “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands” (Psalm 143:5).

Even David thought remembering good things was important. His reflection was on the good things God had done. It is easy for me to forget what God has done in my life.

It’s easy to think of all those bad times in my life. I do that quite often. David’s focus was to meditate on the “good things God has done.” Although there have been bad times in my past, it is important to recognize God’s activity in my life.