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Caroline

by Stephen A. Peterson
01/02/05
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Caroline
© 2004
by

Stephen A. Peterson


For 17 year old Rhonda Draper and her family Sundays can be very hectic. As a daughter of a Methodist minister and volunteer Sunday school teacher, Rhonda was responsible for presenting Bible text and explanation to some 12 to 16 children and teens between 10 and 18 years of age. To her surprise some her students didn’t want to immediately leave her class once it concluded. When this happened, Rhonda put them to work helping the preschool teacher in charge of babysitting babies and toddlers.

On a cold November morning, a young girl from a surrounding Shawnee, Oklahoma neighborhood appeared on the church’s children’s playground. One of the children in Rhonda’s class noticed the young girl and went to tell Rhonda about the girl on the playground. After giving the class a short break, Rhonda went out to talk to the child. Rhonda asked her why did not want to come into the warm building and be with the other children.

“Nobody wants to be my friend because my clothes are not neat and clean like everyone else’s are. I don’t smell so good ‘cause we don’t have no water in my house. My mom couldn’t pay the water bill so we can’t take a bath or shower. And I have an ugly birthmark on my arm that I don’t want the others to see,” said the girl.

Rhonda told the girl that she could arrange for her to take a shower using the church’s facilities, get her some fresh, clean clothes then let her join her Sunday school class. Then the girl told Rhonda, “Miss I’ve got this terrible cough. I think I might have the flu or maybe a real bad cold.”

“Oh, that’s alright. As you can tell I don’t feel so well either “responded Rhonda. I’ve had a cold, too. I caught it a couple of days ago. So its okay if you come on in.”

The little girl still would not come in. Rhonda’s concern for the little caused her to pray: “Lord, I need You to help me help this little girl.” No sooner than Rhonda had completed her prayer when Treava, a 60 plus year old woman, seemed to suddenly appear before Rhonda and the little girl.

“Hi, Rhonda! Who’s your little friend?”

“I don’t know. I never asked her her name,” responded Rhonda.

“What’s your name little girl,” asked Treava.

“Caroline. My name is Caroline Rush. I live with my mom. I live on Pottenger street. I’m 8 years old.”

Caroline, is your mother at home?”

“No,” Caroline responded.

“Caroline, we can let you clean yourself up, give you some clean clothes and something to eat. In a little while, we will take you home. Maybe your mom will be at home. But while you are here, let’s meet with the other boys and girls after you clean up.”

Caroline went into the room with the rest of the boys and girls. She had a set of new clothes that included a long sleeve blouse. Caroline became the best of friends with several of the children. She could not believe anyone would go through what Rhonda and Treava had gone through for her. None of the children knew that she had a birthmark, wore dirty clothing or personally unclean.

Is this not like our Heavenly Father? When we come to Him as we are, walk through the door of faith to accept the living, cleansing waters of grace, and join with members of the Body of Christ we are changed to become a new person in happiness and joy!

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
Reader Count & Comments
Date
Ruth Sargent
16 Jul 2006
Guess I'm focusing more on the content than the technicalities. Your story captures and keeps my attention, and your conclusion is true, and makes me feel good about God's love and care for his children.
(Treava) Joyce Pool
02 Jan 2005
"Behold... all things become new!" Beautifully written! And I must say, a little surprise there. You're awesome, brother.
David Boskovic
02 Jan 2005
Excellent story, very well written. But let me try to give you a few ideas to finish it.
[1.] The first and last sentences are two sentences that you want to be perfect. :) But however your first sentence: For 17 year old Rhonda Draper Sundays can be very hectic for her and her family. doesn't start your story off very eloquently. You may want to say, "For 17 year old Rhonda Draper and her family Sundays can be very hectic." But you don't why to have the repeated "for" because you are basically saying exactly the same thing twice.


[2.] In paragraph 2 you might want to consider using a variety of words for the young girl. You have repeated "young girl" twice, plus "girl" again. In place of the second, "young girl" you may want to use a different adj. to describe the girl. In this sentence, "Rhonda went out to talk to the girl..." you may want to replace girl with "child" or another word. This will remove the repetitive feeling from the word "girl" and you can then be free to use it in the next paragraph. Get what I mean?


[3.] The last paragraph has a rather simple mistake in it, but can be confusing nonetheless. You said: Is this not unlike our Heavenly Father? However what you meant to say is either, "This is not unlike our heavenly father." or "Is this not like our heavenly father?"


Anyways, you definitely have a wonderful article here, and with a bit of work can be made quite good. Remember that this is simply honest critique from a writer and not a personal attack. :) God Bless! And keep writing for His glory!

Since I do not have the PM account, if you would like to contact me use my email, nobleyouth(at)gmail(dot)com.
David Boskovic
02 Jan 2005
Looks good now Stephen. If there's anything else, I'll let somebody else find it. It looks good now to me. God Bless!

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