Christian Living

Moving On, And Forgetting The Past

by Cheryl saddlemire 
01/01/24
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I have flashbacks of the past from when I was bullied at school.  In elementary school, I was called a "Sow."  How could a couple of guys say something about me.  One boy was in grade 7, and  the other guy was in grade 8.  I was in grade 7 myself.  At first it did not know what that word meant.  So I look it up in the dictionary, and it meant "Fully grown Female Pig."  I was not fully grown yet.  I was starting to develop breasts.  I was only 12.

In grade 9, I was slapped in the face.  I threw a binder at his head.  It was even my binder.  It was one of my classmates.  What a mess I made!  This grew spit water all over me just before I boarded the bus.  I cried and I cried to my parents being bullied at school, and they were sick of it.  Back then I was only told to ignore it when somebody bothered me.  Back in my day in the early 80's, nobody did anything about it.  The teachers told me to deal with it myself.

When I was in grade 12, I was not bullied as much except for that guy who stood in the hallways all the time.  I was started feeling suicidal.  I told my mother about that night, and I guess she worried about me taking my own life.  I was christian then, but I backslid.  I started drinking alcohol.  I got into my parents wine.

One night I drank so much wine, that I threw up, and I could not remember getting into bed.  I woke up with vomited food all over myself.  I cried when I had a headache.  My father yelled at me because I was driving a bit off the road.  I just recieved my licence then.  We were driving home from church, and he seemed to be in a bad mood about something or someone.

When I started working at a deli, I worked with this girl who was negative with me by saying "you can't make tea biscuits or muffins."  I felt hurt when she said that.  I felt suicidal again during that time.  I told my vocational councellour about it, and she told me not be hard on myself.  But guess what?  A year later at the deli,  I made tea buiscuts and muffins without a problem.  I was not working with her anymore.

During my trials and tempations, I went to church every Sunday.  I also went to youth groups every Tuesday evening, and I enjoyed it.  We sang blible songs, and we had discussions.  When I was older,  I went to a young adults meeting, but I felt most of them were cold with me even though I attended church with them.  Instead of having a bible study, they watched  a movie with nude scences.  I left the meeting early.  I took a cab home.
When I was 27, I became a mother.  My parents felt that I should give up my baby boy for adoption because I was not married then.  My husband was on disability benefits.  I worked full time.  When my son was born.  Things fell in place.  My parents fell in love with him the day that he was born. 

Almost 8 years later, my daughter was born, and my partner and I got married in my apartment when my daughter was only 4 weeks old.  His parents, and my parents were not there to witness the ceremony which was performed by a minister.  They were aware of the wedding that took place though.

When I was in my late 30s, I attended a ladies meeting called "Coffee Break."  It's a group where women meet once a week on Wednesday mornings, and we have a bible study.  Some weeks we did crafts, and games.  I still attend Coffee Break.  I just have to move forward and forget about the past.  I even have a bible app.  I want to think about thoughts in the coming new year.