Children

MY CHILDREN THEY TEACH ME

by Harini Dias Bandaranayake
07/01/23
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I woke up at 3.33am.

Gripped by those invasive thoughts, and then;

Breathing so hard, with such intense pain,

That familiar panic attack again.

I slipped to my knees,

Buried my face in my hands,

And did what I do every day:

When the fear gets hold of me

And the anxiety comes,

I close my eyes and I pray.

I can't, Lord; it's too hard;

These systems so harsh,

I'm afraid to step out of the house.

My state is so dire,

Every man out to conspire;

This is a woman's lot,

When left without a spouse.

I cry into my mattress,

Every night it's the same.

I am shaking with weakness

And to do it all again...

It's too much, the charades,

The fake smiles and parades,

Society is going quietly insane.

Aloneness, aloofness,

Is my peace of mind;

There's no one to cause me to trip;

I can get through the day,

Yes, just one more day;

They'll be grown, they'll be gone,

How will I persist?

"Do you see whom you've birthed?

Whom I've sent there to earth?

Can you feel that I'm there next to you?

When you hold them in your arms,

When they smile with their charms,

That's My grace, My love just for you."

I don't understand,

I hold their hand,

Every day I'm responsible for them.

This herculean task,

It's quite a tall ask,

And I'm gripped with fear I will fail,

What then?

"You worry too much.

See the flowers, and such?

Hear the birds at dawn, so serene.

I am with you, please trust,

You are loved so much, just

Stay true and let Me intervene.

"Those children you bore,

Are My eyes, My treasure store;

They are there to guide you in life.

They are comfort and strength,

And a chance to regain,

Your peace from amidst all the strife."

How is this, Lord, please say,

How will this be, I pray,

Please tell me again, make it plain.

I am their mother, you can see,

I must parent them, you agree?

It's the incontrovertible plan.

"Look again, and now see,

You need them, they are Me;

Every embrace will strengthen resolve.

When you learn from their hearts,

Listen to the wisdom they impart,

That's mercy to help you evolve."

Lord, I think I can see,

What you mean, so plainly,

It is I who need these children of mine.

In all of this time,

They'll be challenging my mind,

They mirror not my heart, but Thine.

I don't grow them, they grow me.

I don't teach them, they teach me.

I don't love them, they love me.

I don't save them, they save me.

I'm not here for them,

No, they are here for me.

"Now are you willing to be taught?

Are you willing to learn?

Are you willing to be changed from within?

Every thought taken captive,

Every selfish way made inactive,

And a mind restored from the sin within?

"These children are not yours, they are Mine;

I have lent them to you for today.

When their work in you is done,

They will begin their own run,

And I will come and take you away."

I stay on my knees, surrendered to Thee,

I will stay a bit longer with Thee.

Thank you, Lord, for Your grace,

Bestowed in the light of their face,