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Stressing and Obsessing
Courtney stares at the mirror.
Are these the right clothes? she thinks.
She looks at the book again.
“Before buying clothes or stepping outside, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, if I was a man, would this outfit sexually arouse me?”
Courtney looks at herself in the mirror again.
I don’t know she thinks. I’m not a man. Female bodies don’t arouse me and who would have known some men get aroused by looking at thighs, shoulders, backs and tummies. I had those areas showing as a child, and no one cared. And, anyhow, does anyone get aroused by looking at their own body? That would make them very proud and vain indeed.
A Heavy Burden
That’s how I became obsessed with how I looked and with clothing. Before Purity Culture, my clothing had never mattered. I thought of clothes as only clothes and my body as only a body. If anything, when younger, I didn’t like how I looked. My body embarrassed me, and I felt that I looked ugly. If you ask around, that’s not unusual for younger women. Even a famous Christian singer once told an anecdote about his sister. He said although his sister was beautiful, she couldn’t see it. That could describe many anorexics and girls with bulimia. They hate their bodies so much, they starve it, but we received constant lectures about repenting of our vanity and pride.
Purity culture set clothing rules thinking it would help girls stop thinking about their looks so much, but I constantly wondered if I wore the “right” clothes and if the clothes I had on stopped men from thinking about me naked, which apparently all men were. Purity Culture taught I wanted men fantasising about me, but I didn’t. That’s creepy, and so, keeping modesty rules became a heavy burden because I could never find these magic clothes Purity Culture claimed existed that keep a woman’s body hidden one hundred percent of the time. Even when I did find them, clothes move when you move, and they stretch and become threadbare, so towards the end of their life, the clothes became “wrong” again.
When I did find the “right” clothes, the manufacturer had dyed them an ugly colour or with a hideous pattern, and despite that, men would still behave inappropriately toward me, which Purity Culture taught I enjoyed but I didn’t. I hated it. Purity Culture taught that if you can’t find the right clothes, sew extra bits of fabric and trims on them, but that made the outfit look ridiculous and when girls would turn up at an event wearing the same outfit as me but without all the trims and extra fabric, everyone would see how the garment should look and laugh at me.
An Impossible Task
If that fails, Purity Culture taught, sew your own clothes, but because I’m hopeless at sewing, the clothes I produced looked homemade and because of their low quality, showed parts of my body. When you try clothes on at the shops, you can see if the neck line’s too low, or if it's too tight, but when you make clothes, you can’t tell that until it’s finished. When you realise that the outfit doesn’t cover you well, that’s more money down the drain. You’ve spent time, money and, if you’re a poor sewer, aggravation on a new garment that you must throw in the bin and then visit the store and spend more money on a better fitting dress. How many people can afford that?
On top of that, when I became a uni student, living in a different city from my family, without a job, because that city had none, I regularly went without meals. At church, and even when not at church, because even some non-believers believe in dress codes, I’d get reprimanded for wearing the “wrong clothes.” I’d skip meals again, so I could buy new clothes, only to be told that I had bought “wrong” clothes again. Once, while menstruating, I sat on the toilet for a whole week because I couldn’t afford sanitary products. Bored out of my brain, starving and so lonely I could die, at the end of the week, I attended church. Instead of a warm greeting, after such a bad week, a man blasted me because I had the “wrong” clothes on again.
An Easy Yoke
I’m glad those times have ended. I’m glad some segments of the church are allowing women to breathe again now. Of course, there’s outfits that women shouldn’t wear, and when I see women wearing them, it baffles me. I worry for them and think their foolish, but lots of times I wore loose-fitting outfits that covered my shoulders, back, tummy and thighs but was still considered an immodest person. That’s wrong.
Placing the burden for sexual purity one hundred percent on women’s shoulders should no longer be the norm, nor should giving women long lists of forbidden clothing. Deuteronomy says you shall not add to God’s word or treat human rules as equal with God’s rules. That’s what Purity Culture did, but let’s not do it anymore. Obeying long lists of man-made rules doesn’t win God’s forgiveness or make us more saved. Instead, it burdens us beyond breaking point.
Rest and Freedom
Matthew 11:30 says Jesus came so we can receive his easy yoke, light burden and rest. This verse often gets misused. It’s often given to sad, unsaved people. They’re told if you give God your painfilled life, God will give you an easy, happy, healthy, wealthy one, but that’s not what it means at all. If we look at the beginning of Matthew 11, it says Jesus spoke these words while John the Baptist resided in jail awaiting his execution. Jesus said John the Baptist did not live his life as a king in a palace wearing fine clothes. Instead, John lived in the wilderness. Jesus said since the days of John the Baptist until Jesus’ time on earth, violence and violent people had raided the Kingdom of Heaven.
Jesus said the people had accused John the Baptist of demon possession, and that even Jesus’ own life on Earth swirled with accusations of gluttony and drunkenness and that the towns who’d seen most of His miracles had rejected Him. In Matthew 10, Jesus tells His disciples that local councils will arrest them, synagogues will flog them, family members will betray and kill each other and hatred and persecution will mark the lives of Christians. That doesn’t sound easy or light. Instead, the rest Jesus speaks of is liberty from keeping thousands of man-made laws which don’t contribute to our salvation or make us any more forgiven in God’s eyes. I pray we’ll continue giving this wonderful gift of freedom to today’s generation of Christian woman and on into the future.
References:
- Deuteronomy 4:2
- Mark 7:7
- Matthew 10
- Matthew 11
- What does it mean when Jesus says, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30)? | GotQuestions.org
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