Prayers
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“The class ends next week, LORD.”
“Mozel tov, child.”
“Ha, ha!
Yeah. They’re nice people.
That study is just so dull.”
[NOD.]
“My class is so much better!
I’ve got maps up on the share screen, and
pictures, and tidbits about Judaism.
Plus I don’t get into all that “G-d is so great to us when we’re such filthy, dirty rotten sinners” stuff.
“Child, shouldn’t you be cleaning out the refrigerator.”
“That BSF gets really tedious.
Huh?
Yeah.
Well, writing is more fun for me.
All of the ice cream is melted into a chocolate puddle on the floor of the freezer, and I’ve got to cram 3 full tubs of warm cottage cheese into the
garbage disposal. Can’t stick ‘em out in my brown bin in a bag. Not in 92 degrees.”
[NOD.]
“The new one isn’t getting delivered till Tuesday cuz of my work schedule.
I’ll survive.
I’m upset though about those Colby cheese sticks.”
“Don’t cry over spilt milk,
kin`der.”
“Ya mean warmed-up cheese sticks?
What the heck am I going to do with ‘em?”
“The LORD giveth,
and the LORD taketh away,
Mein Schmut`zah.”
“They’ve really got to spice up their act, LORD.
All of their questions are about the same thing.”
“What,
child.”
“Sin, sin, and more sin.
And how G-d is patient and kind to everybody.
And we’re just a bunch of filthy rotten sinners
who deserve to get tossed into the pit of hell.”
“You don’t agree,
Joa`ch`kalah.”
“No, not at all.
We get born into this miserable world, and just do the best we can. Some of us get a much better deal than others, and that’s the damn truth.”
I Am not Patient, and Kind,
Julbie.”
“I guess to some people: not everyone equally.
What about the kids born with horrible disease, and handicaps, or into terrible poverty, or a country ruled by a malicious dictator? Where’s the kindness in that. What about children who get molested?
Abused? Starved?”
[SILENCE.]
“And don’t give me that schpeil about Adam and Eve
eating some apple and making the rest of us miserable. I don’t buy it, LORD.”
“It wasn’t an apple,
Mein lieber schnitzel.”
“Whatever.
Banana. Pear. Peach. Strawberry. Blueberry. Cranberry. Plum. Cantaloupe. Mellon. Grape.
Cantaloupe has a weird spelling.”
[NOD.]
“Or maybe it was some strange Eden fruit that went into extinction like the dinosaurs.”
“Maybe the dinosaurs ate it into extinction,
Mein schatz`e.”
“Never thought of that.
Hey, I’m the one who makes the quips here, LORD.
Not You.”
“I Am a Quip,
child.”
“You’re not allowed LORD.
BSF doesn’t let You have a sense of humor,
particularly a Jewish Philadelphia one.”
“Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh.”
(Silence.)
[SILENCE.]
“So how d’Ya talk to a cynical schlumpe like me, and
talk to all of these holy Christians at the same time,
LORD? How do You do that?”
“I Am
a Good
Multi-Tasker,
child.”
****************************************************
God appeared to Moses in the burning bush and told him to go to Egypt to lead the Israelites out of slavery. In response, Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?” (Exodus 3:13).
God said to Moses,
“I AM WHO I AM.”
Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh.
This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you’” (Exodus 3:14).
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