Humor

I’m So Poor I Can’t Pay Attention

by James Snyder 
03/25/23
Free to Share
Author requests article critique

  Message Writer
  Hire Writer

Tweet

Occasionally I go to my computer and search for the wealthiest preachers in America. I am curious to know who came up with this idea, but I check it out occasionally to see who they are.

As often as I have checked this information, I have never found my name on that list. I so much wanted to see my name on that list. Everybody knows that the Internet never lies. So, I need to accept that I am not one of the wealthiest preachers in America. Poor me!

That may explain many things in my life that I did not quite understand before.

When traveling in the Sissy Van, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is always behind the steering wheel. I make it a point not to drive that Sissy Van anymore than I have to.

As we drive, my wife will say, "Did you see that car? They're from Idaho."

Of course, I did not see it because I was not paying attention. When The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage drives, she focuses on everything within her focus. Even when driving my truck, and she is in the passenger seat, she sees everything around her.

Do not let this get back to her, but she sees things that I do not think exist. I will never contest her on that subject.

Unlike my wife, I don't have that much focus to see everything that is happening around me.

Once when she asked me if I saw something, I replied, "No, I'm just too poor to pay attention."

I laughed, of course, but she didn't think it was funny.

Driving across town to church one Sunday morning, she said, "Did you see that sign? What did it say?"

I didn't see it, so I responded, "I'm sorry, but I'm too poor to pay attention." Then I chuckled.

She just threw me one of her infamous grimaces.

For some reason, she believes I should pay attention to everything around me. I don't know why because I'm not interested in many of the things around me. And, I am too poor to pay attention.

While driving to an appointment the other day, I asked, "Could I borrow a dollar from you?"

She looked at me quizzically and said, "Why do you need a dollar from me?"

"Oh," I said softly, "I just need some money to pay attention while you're driving."

She did not respond to me; of course, she never gave me that dollar. So I tried to explain to her that it is very expensive to pay attention. I don't think she believed me.

Several weeks later, we went to our Sunday morning church service, and I noticed a license plate and said, "Look at that license plate. They're from Montana."

There was silence on the other side of the car, and finally, she looked at me and said, "Where did you get that dollar?"

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I just said, "What dollar are you talking about?"

She snickered like I had not heard her snicker in a long time and said, "You know, the dollar so that you can pay attention."

The only thing I can say is that she has enough money to pay attention to everything, even some things I don't know.

Having enough money to pay attention to everything around you must be nice. I'm sure my life would change if I could afford to pay attention to everything.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage can pay attention even when fast asleep. One time we were taking a trip to St. Augustine. She leaned back in her side and took a nap. At least, I thought she was asleep.

I was coming to where I needed to turn, but I wasn't sure if this was the right place. As I slowed down, I heard The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage say, "No, you need to turn at the next light."

Looking over, I saw her eyes were closed, and it looked like she was sound asleep. She is rich enough to pay attention even when she is sound asleep.

I often wonder where she has all this money, probably in the Central Bank of Mind Your Own Business.

Watching television, suddenly, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage said, "Did you see that? I wonder who that is?"

I begin to say, "No…." My wife jumped in and said, "I know, dear, you're too poor to have paid attention."

Boy, has she got me figured out? I'm going to have to open up some kind of a savings account, maybe a little piggy bank, and try to save up enough money to finance my poor attention. So far, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has refused to loan me money for this cause.

During my Bible reading recently, I read 1 Timothy 6:9-10, "But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

Being rich does have its challenge, which I will never face. The disturbing aspect of this passage is where Paul says, "the love of money is the root of all evil." That is my temptation.