Humor

I Screamed for Ice Cream and Got in Trouble

by James Snyder 
01/14/23
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Trouble is not my middle name, although it sure could be; just ask The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

I try to keep out of trouble, but my definition differs from my wife's. What she considers to be trouble is just about everything I do. I will not ask her how I can keep from doing what I do. I don’t need that trouble.

If I could remember some of the trouble I've been in it probably could help me keep out of some new trouble. But of course, my "new trouble" is something I've done before, many times, according to someone in our house.

My thought is, and I am unanimous in this, without trouble, there is no real life. If you don't get into some trouble, then something is wrong.

Sometimes, according to my experience, trouble is worth it.

Well, sometimes it's worth it.

One of my routines at night is to have a nice cold bowl of ice cream. I don't care what flavor it is because I've never had any ice cream that I didn't like. The one I like best is the one I'm eating at the time.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is very good at buying my ice cream and is always looking for coupons or BOGO, for which she is rather famous.

Not long ago, she came into the house excited and laughing, as I'd never seen her laugh before. It took a while for her to calm down, but when she did, I was able to find out what she was all excited about.

At the one store where she usually gets groceries, she found, much to her surprise, ice cream that was buy one and get two free. Of course, that sure made her day, but it also made my day as well.

I wonder if that was a mistake, but if it was, she took advantage of that ice cream sale.

She's very cautious with how much ice cream I should eat. When she came home with this bargain, I tried to explain that this meant I could have twice the amount of ice cream as before.

When I said that, the smile on her face quickly evaporated, and looking at me, she said, "It does not mean anything of the sort. You will eat what ice cream I give you, and that's all."

Well, you can't fault me for trying. If you don't try, how do you know something isn't going to work?

I was happy that we had a nice supply of ice cream just in case of any emergency. One emergency that I was thinking of was an overwhelming hunger for ice cream. According to The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, this is not an emergency.

I am banking on the fact that because we have so many boxes of ice cream, I could sneak a bowl while she wasn't home, and she wouldn't know about it. After all, with all those boxes, how in the world can you keep count?

One day while she was away for the day, I broke into the freezer and got a nice cold bowl of ice cream. It was one of the most delicious bowls of ice cream I've had in a long time.

Of course, I washed the dish and put it back into the cupboard to avoid leaving any evidence.

I was in my office doing a little bit of work when she came home, and within 10 minutes, I heard her yelling, "Did you sneak any ice cream from the freezer today?"

How she found out, I do not know. After all these years of marriage, I'm beginning to think she has a little ghost in the house keeping track of my movements. I can't prove it, but I'm starting to feel it.

Every night around 8 o'clock, she gets ice cream for the both of us. Mine in a bowl and hers in a cone. I wouldn't have it any other way.

One night after supper, I sat in the living room watching a little TV. I noticed the clock said 8 o'clock, the time for the ice cream. So I waited a few minutes, and still, no ice cream showed up.

She was busy in her craft room with some crafts, and I just thought she had forgotten what time it was. That always happens to me, but it rarely happens to her. She knows what time it is a half-hour before the time. Figure that out.

Thinking I could solve the problem, which was a ridiculous ploy on my part, I decided to tell her what time it was.

With my strongest outdoor voice, I yelled, "It's ice cream time. Yes, I'll have ice cream."

She came to the living room, looked at me, and said, "Did you hear that terrible noise just a few moments ago?"

Shaking her head she then turned around and walked back to her craft room, and to my disappointment, there was no ice cream that night. So I was tempted to go to the freezer and get my ice cream, but I wasn't sure what kind of trouble I was in that night.

David seemed to understand this when he wrote, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

No matter what my trouble is, because God is my refuge I have nothing to worry about.